Sunday, April 1, 2012

The Graveyard: A Spring Break Getaway

Well, last Friday night was interesting to say the least. My zombie girlfriend, Stacey, was out with her new zombie friends, oh I don’t know, doing zombie girl things I would suppose. So I went out for some fresh air. I was walking with my zombie dog, Goo, in the woods which skirt around the graveyard, when I heard a loud commotion up at the top of the hill. Goo really took notice and his ears really perked up. When  we looked up to the top of the hill and spotted a bunch of college kids up there preparing to have a kegger! Just great! SON OF A SWAMP MOTHER!! Of all the thousands of miles of coastal beaches that we have in this country, a group of college students pick out our little graveyard hamlet to stage a spring break party. I really have to wonder about the future generation. From the sound of it, the majority of these kids were already wasted beyond belief.  One big dude came running down the hill making a beeline for the woods. I ducked behind one of the big oak trees, because I wanted to see what this guy was up to. The college kid made his way over to pine tree, probably about 25 yards from the tree I was spying from behind. Oh great, Big Hoss was preparing to take a leak! You know that really pissed me off. It’s one thing to use our graveyard as a party station, and quite another thing to use it as a toilet. There’s a convenience store with a working public toilet right next door to the graveyard.
Made up my mind right then and there, I would have a little fun with big hoss. Goo and I put on our scariest zombie faces and used our scariest zombie moans and groans, and set out to put this lunatic on the path to common sense. He was so scared; I think he crapped his pants. In fact, big hoss took off running without even zipping up his fly! Hilarious! As he screamed, like a little girl I might add, his piss was flinging everywhere especially on his jeans. My zombie comrades popped out of their graves to have a look around and we all chased the brain dead college kids off our turf. Hey, kids, next time find a tree house for your little beer party, and leave the graveyard to grownups.


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