Sunday, August 19, 2012

For the love of the game....

Have you ever noticed that cemeteries and golf courses are eerily similar?  I have pondered that notion and have arrived at a conclusion.  Grave yards and golf courses are both known for nicely manicured grass.  Grave yards are known for their dead residents, while golf courses have many golfers with handicaps that are pretty much dead on arrival!  I’m kind of surprised that some creative, young entrepreneur has not jumped onto the idea of combining a grave yard and golf course together into one giant enterprise.  Think about the potential ways in which a grave yard/golf course could obtain new patrons.  When one of those geezers has a great golf game, he could then die a happy man and won’t even have to spend one night in the morgue.  Hell, if a golfer achieved a score of 54, his brain would meltdown at that very moment.  Instead of just installing regular sand traps, a few more golfers could meet their final happy day playing their favorite game by falling into a quick sand trap!  Well, the water hazards could also have a little different treatment at a golf course/grave yard.  I recommend either gators or piranha, for the golfer who wants a real water hazard challenge.  When you really think about it, the golf carts can also be enhanced to help the golfer along to his final bogey.  The brakes could be “adjusted” and the steering column could be “altered” so that every tree on the course could be one hell of a place to park, if you catch my drift.  Each tree could be fitted with a razor sharp pendulum mechanism to slice and dice any golf cart crashing into such a tree.  You see in my world, under par pretty much is equal to being underground….um uh, six feet underground. 

Thanks for reading Freakin' Dead Jed's blog.  It is greatly appreciated.  Freakin' Dead Jed and all related characters are copyright 2012 by Action Avenue Art Studio, Action Avenue Studio and Paul Addison.  Say, isn't it time for a shameless plug?!  Of course it is.  Unique and great artistic gifts can be had at the link below.  Are you interested in collecting SCI-FI or zombie art and you don't know where to start?  Click on the link below for great art and art related merchandise for a low investment on your part. 

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Sunday, August 5, 2012

Jed must be obsessed

The Good Guts & Gory club has been busy with all kinds of zombies coming from all over to patronize the club.  What’s left of my rancid heart has ached.  These zombies were supposed to become members of Brained & Stained.  Well, that settled it.  It was time for me to jump into action!  Behind Ike’s club where no other zombies had noticed me, I made a zip line from the back door of the building to the tall tree about 50 yards away.  My plan was in place.  I would take the zip line down and crash through the back door.  Now you might ask what good would it do for old Jed to zip line down and crash into the back door?  Well, I tied two sacks of manure on either side of me and once I crashed through into Ike’s club, it would be time for me to release the sacks of crap and spill it all over the inside of Good Guts & Gory.  Yes, I know it sounds like a lot of work just to sabotage Ike’s venture, but hey, I’m all about taking action.  So, I waited for the right time, around 9pm Friday night to unleash my manure madness upon Ike and his friends.  With a quick release, I zipped down and remembered much too late that the back door was iron just like the front one.  SON OF A SWAMP MOTHER!!!  With a thud, I bounced off the door and landed about 15 feet from it and that manure covered me from head to toe.  When I awoke from my daze I saw Ike, Stacey, Granny Rose, Boner and all the others standing around me.  Stacey hosed the manure off and cleaned me up quite nicely.  Then they hoisted me up on top of them and carried me over to Brained & Stained.  The entire time I was being carried, everyone sang a chorus of “For He’s A Jolly Good Fellow”.  Huh?  “Why would you do that?” I asked Ike and the rest of the gang.  Ike said, “You inspired me, Jed, to create an excellent club.  You think outside the box and, as a zombie, you’re the one we all look to for leadership and guidance.”  I was amazed, but Ike continued, “I want our clubs to join forces; in fact, we should merge them into one giant club that way every zombie can have the best of both worlds.”  Well, my heart grew three sizes that night, just like the heart belonging to the Grinch.  Well, not really, I am dead after all, so my heart is pretty much stale just like the rest of me, but you get my drift.  Wow, these zombies are cool…….. or more appropriately cool and cold, because of the death thing, don’t ya know?

Thank you for reading Freakin' Dead Jed's blog.  Your time is greatly appreciated.  Freakin' Dead Jed and all other related characters are copyright 2012 by Action Avenue Art Studio, Action Avenue Studio and Paul Addison.