Sunday, March 25, 2012

How much is that doggy in the window?

Stacey and I are now dating.  We’re the talk of the graveyard.  Being a zombie, you might not think that I have the capacity to fall in love and to get attached to another zombie, but that’s where you’d be wrong.  We’re on the verge of becoming undead soul mates.  We finish each other’s groans and seem to know what the other one is thinking just by looking under each other’s skull cap.  Stacey and I have may have what it takes to forge a zombie romance that will become epic.  Stacey, being much more romantic than me, thought we could exchange first week anniversary gifts.  Yes, I know we’ve only been a zombie couple for a week, but it sounded like fun.  I picked out some of the most wilted, dead flowers that I could find.  Stacey was delighted and expressed to me that nobody ever gave her flowers like this before.  Her idea of a one week anniversary turned out to be much more elaborate.  Stacey blindfolded me and said, “Jed, we’re going down town to a secret place.  I’ve got a surprise for you!” So she had two of my buddies, Slickman and Boner, walk me down along side her to THE PET POD, our local pet store!  Oh boy, she wanted to give me a dog.  Wow, I didn’t know if I would be ready for this kind of commitment. Stacey remarked, “Pick one out and we’ll turn it into a zombie pooch of your very own!”  It was night time and we had the whole closed store to ourselves.  So I picked out a mutt.  No particular breed in mind, just a mutt.  I’m also kind of a mutt; you know a mixture of man, legend and master zombie of excellence all joined together into one fantastic undead eggroll ….hey, I’m just saying!  Anyway, I bit this dog and within a matter of minutes, my dog, Goo, was among the undead ranks.  He’s a little dog with a huge bark and with a tremendous sense of irony.  Instantly, Goo grabbed Boner’s lower right leg bone and took off like a late freight train.  Awww, Goo wanted to play.  SWEET!!

Thanks for reading Freakin' Dead Jed's blog.  I appreciate it very much.  Freakin' Dead Jed and all related characters are copyright 2012 by Action Avenue Art Studio, Action Avenue Studio and Paul Addison. 

Monday, March 19, 2012

A zombie romance might be brewin'

Stacey agreed to go out with me.  Well, she didn’t, but her zombie version did.  What was I suppose to do?  Yep, I had to seal the deal by giving Stacey an undead reason to accept my pursuit of her amazingly beautiful body.  We call this the old “corpse courtship”.  I gently bit her and now Stacey is the freshest zombie that we’ve in the cemetery for some time.  My friends Slickman and Boner are jealous as neither one of them has had a zombie date in some time.  I think they need to slather on some cologne because I’ve encountered roadkill that smells better than either one of those goofs.  So Stacey and I went out on the town.  We followed another couple out of the movie theater, who appeared to be on some kind of a date.  The dude had popcorn husks stuck in his teeth and was wearing some very thick pop bottle glasses, probably couldn’t see half inch in front of him.  The girl had her hair in dreadlocks and spoke with a slight stutter.  Stacey and I pounced on them in the parking lot; it was the beginning of a wonderful moonlit dinner we shared.  We held hands and looked each other in the eye.  I could see the warmth and tenderness in Stacey’s face as she devoured the man’s arm.  His screaming was like an enchanted love song that was whispered on the cool evening’s breeze.  Stacey gently smiled as I chased down the woman.  Remembering my manners, I chose not to talk with my mouth full when I chewed on this delicious young woman.  Stacey appreciated it.  Stacey said, “What a magical night, Jed. Please walk me back home.”  Once we approached her tombstone, I kissed Stacey with a passion of a thousand bats taking flight in the dead of night.  When the moon hits your rotting eye like a big brain pie, that’s amore!

Thank you for reading Freakin' Dead Jed's blog.  It's greatly appreciated.  Your comments are appreciated too.  Freakin' Dead Jed and all related characters are copyright 2012 by Action Ave Art Studio, Action Ave Studio and Paul Addison.  Now is the time for you to buy a unique gift for that scifi or zombie fan in your life.  Click on the link below to go to my Action Avenue Art Studio store.  Once you're there, take a look around and invest in that unique art or art related merchandise.  Don't forget to check out the products featuring Galactic Ranger, Rusty McBolt.  He's a tin man with a tin star.  The robust robot with a desire for justice in the galaxy, fighting evil on any planet that needs him. 

Saturday, March 3, 2012

The Great Date Debate…..

Once I chased down my high school sweetheart, Stacey, the excitement really began to pop.  I felt as happy as an Irishman in a pub with an open tab, because Stacey’s beauty is just as intoxicating!  Anyway, I said to her, “You know, Stacey, we never really got the chance to continue our romance after high school.  What do you say that we go out on a date?”  Stacey was trying to keep a safe distance between me and her with this giant purse when she yelled back, “Look at yourself, Jed, you’re a zombie, for crying out loud!!  It would never work out between the two of us.  You deserve a nice, sweet zombie girl, you know, who also has worms protruding through her flesh.”  Stacey was just being ridiculous.  Why would I want some old hag of a zombie woman when I could have Stacey?  True, I am a zombie and she’s still a living human being.  It would be a mixed relationship.  Heads would turn, people and zombies alike would whisper about us.  Should be no surprise that Stacey smells yummy and that could be a problem for us.  For you humans who are into food, we’re not talking ‘rainbow sprinkles on a chocolate donut’ type yummy.  Oh no, we’re talking that her freakin’ sweet, super intelligent brain cells smell like a juicy Porterhouse steak!  YUMMY!! I may not be able to resist her delicious charms as a food source for long.  What is a zombie to do?  So I said, “Come on, Stacey.  Give us one more try, we’ll go out and enjoy the sunset and then catch a movie.”  Stacey responded, “You know, Jed, I would rather get the kiss of death from a mobster than go out with you.”  It seems to me that Stacey is going to be a tough nut to crack, but if any zombie can still bust a nut, it’s good old Jed.

Thank you for reading Freakin' Dead Jed's blog.  I appreciate it very much.  Freakin' Dead Jed and all related characters are copyright 2012 by Action Avenue Art Studio, Action Avenue Studio and Paul Addison.