Sunday, February 26, 2012

Jed's old flame

I was wandering around downtown two nights ago & walked by a coffee shop that I use to frequent when I was still among the living.  Looked right into the window and who do you suppose my gaze fell upon?  None other than my high school sweet heart, Stacey!  Oh, she was a looker.  Before I ever got the nerve to ask her out I would practice kissing on the mirror in the boy’s room at school.  When other kids were standing in there smoking and trying to be cool, there I was sucking face with the mirror in the bathroom.  No wonder the other kids put a huge distance between me and them when walking the halls of school.  Anyway, fast forward back to the other night and my experience with Stacey.  My eyes locked with hers.  Stacey obviously recognized me, paid the check and slipped quickly out the back door.  What up with that??  She must have taken a vow of celibacy or something.  Stacey knew she wouldn’t have been able to resist my sexy zombie ass so she had to hot foot it right out of there.  By the time I caught up with her, Stacey was in a dead run, talk about playing hard to get.  A thought crossed my mind: Hey baby, once you go zombie, you never go back.  “Stacey, I just want to get reacquainted with you, darling? What’s the hurry?  What have you been up to all these years?”  I yelled at her during my fast-footed chase.  Stacey yelled back over her shoulder as she continued to run away, “Oh you know, Jed, I went to college to study business administration.  Then after graduation, I took a management position with an escrow company. You look, um…..uh, I don’t know, less than fresh, Jed, how have you been?”  It may seem odd that a zombie grand poobah, such as myself, and an old friend would have a ‘get to know you again’ conversation while in the act of pursuit but it happens all the time….. Strange enough.

Thanks for reading Freakin' Dead Jed's blog.  I appreciate it very much.  Freakin' Dead Jed and all related characters are copyright 2012 by Action Avenue Art Studio, Action Avenue Studio and Paul Addison.

Sunday, February 19, 2012

Jed's zombie biker dream takes a hit.

We ended our rat round-up which was a great time.  Best part of that endeavor was the deliciousness of the rat guts that I and my fellow Rotten & Ripe Riders enjoyed.  True, a zombie doesn’t get as much meat from a rat as he would from a human being, but rats are still damned tasty.  I would equate them to being the eggrolls of the zombie’s meal plan, just packed with a whole lot of good and greasy stuff.  So, after we finished the rat feast at the old warehouse, we rode our bikes to a truck stop to pick up some fuzzy dice to pimp our rides.  Yep, right in the snow.  Hey, it was kind of fun to slip and slide around on snow covered streets!   Finally made it to the truck stop and found a bunch of grumpy-ass truckers sitting around on their “brains” drinking coffee.  What kind of a zombie biker gang would we have if a little trouble didn’t follow us?  One of the truck drivers, Hogan, found my motorcycle club rather amusing.  He taunted loudly, “Wouldn’t you bikers roll around better in a clown car?  Guess, I didn’t know the circus was in town. How about it boys, should we all go to the circus so we can see freaks like these losers?!”  I jumped at Hogan to show him who’s boss, well that, and to bite him.  Hey, remember, I’m a flippin’ zombie after all.  Before I could get to Hogan, the waitresses and cook at this choke and puke truck stop dive started to hurl food at me and my crew.  Everything, from hard salami sausages to French fries to pecan pies covered me, Frank, Larry, Ike and the others.  The truckers and everybody else at this bistro for the insane laughed and taunted us for what seemed liked hours.  Once, I got back on my feet, I let the rest of the Rotten & Ripe Riders know it was time to haul ass out of there.  Just then I looked out the window and saw one of those huge semi tractors deliriously driving over our Hogs!  SON OF A SWAMP MOTHER!!!  Our bikes were destroyed!!  The truckers, waitresses and short order cook kicked our asses out of the truck stop.  The Rotten & Ripe Riders have been reduced to The Rotten & Ripe Walkers.  The walk of shame back to the grave yard couldn’t have been longer and on top of that, the stench from the nasty food still covered us!  How do you humans eat such items?  The zombie world will never know….

Thanks for reading Freakin' Dead Jed's blog.  I appreciate it very much.  Freakin' Dead Jed and all other related characters are copyright 2012 by Action Avenue Art Studio, Action Avenue Studio and Paul Addison.

Saturday, February 11, 2012

Runnin' the rats

My zombie biker gang got snowed in this weekend.  Yep, it was our first major snowstorm of the winter.  It had been so damned mild up to this point that I was thinking about riding the motorcycle without my leather jacket.  You know, having that feeling of wind streaming through my rotten rib cage….. Ahhhh, the freedom of the open road!  Well, anyway, once the snow started to fall, The Rotten & Ripe Riders rode right into the shelter of an old, abandoned warehouse.  Once we slowed our bikes down inside, I realized that we were not alone.  There was a herd of beady eyed rats!  We discussed amongst ourselves and decided having a little fun would be in order.  Frank “The Shank” spotted some old nets. (Apparently, the business that once occupied this warehouse manufactured and distributed fishing related products.  I know, what are the odds?)  So, with a deranged excitement that any mental patient would envy, we gathered up a few nets and started runnin’ the rats down on our bikes.  SON OF A SWAMP MOTHER, oh the schemes that crazy zombies can partake in and enjoy to the fullest!  Began the day with a damn blizzard and ended it with a wild rat safari.  Wild rat safari might be a bit of a stretch in terms of describing this adventure.  Actually, the chase felt like one of those old west cattle drives that you see in cowboy movies.  One of the great things about being a zombie is the lack of discrimination in potential food sources.  Seriously, it was only a few months ago, that I ate a charred squirrel, so a few warehouse rats shouldn’t be a shock to the system.  I figured we did the rats a favor.  Hey, this was probably a far better fate than for just one of those little creatures to end up as a lab experiment. 

Thanks for reading Freakin' Dead Jed's blog.  I appreciate it very much.  Let me know your comments!  I'd enjoy hearing from you.  Freakin' Dead Jed and all related characters are copyright 2012 by Action Avenue Art Studio, Action Avenue Studio and Paul Addison.  Hey, are you looking for a great gift idea for a family member or friend?  Maybe you'd like to purchase great zombie or SCIFI related merchandise for yourself?  Click on the window below to access my art studio store and invest in something truly different.