Sunday, November 25, 2012

Runnin' on empty!

In the span of a few days, the production crew for “The Dirt Nap Gang Rides Again” filmed all of the zombie attack scenes featuring the zombie extras (for those of you playing along at home, some of the extras include me and the gang you’ve come to know and love).  It was extremely tiring for all of us in front of the camera.  I haven’t been this active since the 1970s when I was a pimp running the hard streets of Chicago keeping my bitches and hoes in line.  Aaahhh, those were the days, I long for the simpler times.  Anyway enough about my past career choices; let’s get back to the film production tale.  The crew filmed us digging our way out of the grave.  Then they filmed us moaning, groaning and chasing people.  My pal, Boner, even dislocated his hip once again.  Felt bad for the poor bastard.  When I thought that would be the extent of our scenes, we were surprised yet again!  They filmed us climbing trees to chase squirrels and woodpeckers.  They filmed me and the other extras dumpster diving behind a porn movie store, of all things.  Another series of scenes included us as a spontaneous flash mob.  We were even filmed singing karaoke in a local bar.  (By the way, my favorite song to sing is the Beatles’ version of Twist and Shout ever since I watched “Ferris Bueller’s Day Off”.)  We were also filmed as balloon handlers in the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade.  Oddly enough, the scenes also included us playing hopscotch and later jumping rope with a bunch of giggling, pre-teen girls.  SON OF A SWAMP MOTHER, this is going to be one weird ass movie!!  I quietly whispered to Stacey, “Do you think Ashton Kutcher is around here somewhere making an all zombie edition of ‘Punk’d’?”  She was as clueless as the rest of us.  Oh well, it’s been a good gig at any rate. 

Thank you for reading Freakin' Dead Jed's blog.  It is greatly appreciated.  Freakin' Dead Jed and all other related characters are copyright 2012 by Action Avenue Art Studio, Action Avenue Studio and Paul Addison. 

Sunday, November 11, 2012

Aaahhh, the glamour of showbiz…..

We made it through the week’s worth of yoga classes with Emerald.  It was tough and she had all the appeal of a rusty, stinky, steel wool pad, but we made it!  Everyone one of my zombie pals had a call sheet to be on the set of “The Dirt Nap Gang Rides Again” at 6 in the morning.  We showed up and waited.  Then we waited some more.  Once we stopped waiting, it was time to start the whole process over…. Yep, you guessed it, we waited some more.  Stacey was the smart one (well of course, she’s smart….she is a woman after all); she snagged somebody’s cell phone and played multiple levels of Angry Birds to pass the time.  What’s the story with these birds and why are they angry?  I defy anyone to pick out one bird on this game and give me a justifiable reason as to that bird’s angry funk.  Was this bird not hugged enough by his mom?  Did his dad go out for cigarettes one night and never came back?  Anyway, the rest of us zombies stood around waiting.  Ike brought some dental floss and was working on his one and only mutated front tooth.  Smelled like sulfur as he cleaned the rotten flesh plaque off his tooth.  Ironically Ike’s last human value meal was some dentist from the down town area.  Well, while everyone else was bored, I found it interesting to chat it up with one of the boom operators between takes and on breaks.  He was a degenerate gambler who constantly talked about his love for the chaos in the casinos.  Travis, the boom operator, also let me know that if he ever hit it big with lottery winnings, he would walk away from this job immediately.  I tried to explain to Travis that he would have a better chance of his boom turning into a horny giraffe with a longing desire to French kiss him than of winning the lottery!  After that comment, Travis just walked away to grab a donut from the food table.  Guess the truth hurts!  Maybe I should become a psychologist or counselor?  I have a keen way of dishing the truth to people, usually right before scrambling their brains with my teeth and tongue. (Lucky for gambler Travis----he’s not scheduled to be my “dinner guest” until after the film has been completed.  You know his union wouldn’t approve otherwise.)

Thanks for reading Freakin' Dead Jed's blog.  You know I appreciate it.  Freakin' Dead Jed and all related characters are copyright 2012 by Action Avenue Art Studio, Action Avenue Studio and Paul Addison.  Well, it's that time of year again!  Time to do some holiday shopping for the family members and friends in your life.  Click on the window below to find some fantastic zombie and sci-fi artwork and merchandise.  There's currently a 50% off sale for Veteran's Day that ends on Monday!  Don't delay, shop today!  You'll find great gifts for every budget.

Tuesday, November 6, 2012

Zombies and pretzel logic

On Jillian the casting director’s command, my zombie crew and I were assigned to a yoga instructor to increase our flexibility.  About 7 in the morning, Emerald, the yoga instructor bounced into the yoga studio.  The lady was way too perky!  She reminded me of a smurf hopped up on Twinkies and Red Bull.  It should come as no surprise prior to the start of the class, Emerald was nice.  The operative word here “was” until the yoga class began, then she turned into a drill sergeant.  Cletus was turned into a complete zombie pretzel by doing the Down Dog Split.  When it was all said and done, Frank “The Shank” could literally kiss his own ass and a zombie kissing his own ass is one ugly sight.  It was like playing a game of Twister as a form of intense punishment.  After the Cow Face pose, Boner yelled loudly, “AAAAGGGHHH!!!  I think my hips have been dislocated!”  Sure enough, his hips were sticking out in a weird way.  Before I could get out of my pose to help my zombie bro, Emerald jumped right over to him and took a rubber mallet to help readjust Boner’s out of place bones!  SON OF A SWAMP MOTHER!!  I thought for sure she would destroy my entire gang.  It was not clear if zombie extra roles in some movie would be worth all this craziness.  What were we thinking?

Thanks for reading Freakin' Dead Jed's blog.  It is greatly appreciated.  Freakin' Dead Jed and all other related characters are copyright 2012 by Action Avenue Art Studio, Action Avenue Studio and Paul Addison.