Sunday, May 20, 2012

The Continued Saga of Granny.....

Stacey and Goo came running and intercepted Granny Rose.  Well, Goo did most of the work.  Goo jumped on Granny and knocked her down with a large thump.  That stinky little dog packs a wallop!  Yes, Goo is kind of stinky.  He has that wet dog smell combined with that dead dog smell.  Try getting that funky ass odor out of your carpet and drapes, but I digress.  After Goo knocked down Granny, he started licking her face and wagging his tail, which really pissed her off to a substantial degree.  Granny started flailing her arms and legs vigorously.  All of a sudden, she quickly reached into another holster and grabbed a stun gun, then violently shocked my dog!  Goo was flung about twelve feet backwards and rolled on the ground for another five feet.  Luckily, Goo was unharmed.  With incredible energy, Goo jumped up on his hind legs and started to beg and wag his tail rapidly.  That nut burger dog of mine must have enjoyed the stun gun.  So Granny Rose pulled out this huge hand gun which had to have been a .357 Magnum.  Granny had this demented grin on her face when she demanded, “Nobody move!!!  I’m going to put an end to this zombie reign of terror once and for all tonight!”  We all froze.  Would this be the end?  Is this how the Grand Poobah of zombies meets his final moment on this planet??  I thought to myself, “How do I get myself and my friends out of this mess?”  All of a sudden, on top of the hill just to the North of our present predicament, came the sound of an old, but boisterous, voice.  It was none other than Arnie.  Arnie was a kindly old grandfatherly man, until he joined our zombie ranks.  Arnie yelled at Granny, “Rose, is that you??  How have you been, honey?  It’s been much too long.  How are our grandchildren?”  Wait a minute!  These two were married?  Granny seemed a bit confused when she looked over to Arnie.  Then Arnie continued to speak, “We were married for fifty years.  Our favorite dance was the Chicken Dance.  In fact, we crashed hundreds of weddings just for the opportunity to do the Chicken Dance.”  Arnie started to do the Chicken Dance.  Stacey giggled and looked at me.  At that time, we both slowly joined Arnie in his Chicken Dance celebration.  Granny was really perplexed then, and in a daze she dropped her gun.  With the reflexes of a cat, Arnie pounced on old Granny.  She’s much sweeter to me now that we see eye to eye.  Granny Rose and Grandpa Arnie are getting to know each other again and she’s learning the ropes of being a first class zombie.   

Thanks for reading another installment of Freakin' Dead Jed.  It is greatly appreciated.  Freakin' Dead Jed and all related characters are copyright 2012 by Action Avenue Art Studio, Action Avenue Studio and Paul Addison. 

Sunday, May 6, 2012

Gone, Granny, Gone?

Zombie Huntress, Granny Rose was chasing me. Her hot pursuit came to a screeching halt when her mini hummer fell into a ravine. The crash of that incident was terribly loud and almost enough to wake the dead. We are light sleepers, don’t you know.  Anyway, after that I stopped in my tracks, and walked back towards the ravine. It became foggy that night and the sight of the ravine was also obscured by a lot of brush. Having pinpointed the approximate location of Granny’s delirious descent, I cautiously looked over the edge and saw about 30 feet down was Granny’s mini hummer flipped over on its top, but no Granny! Where did she go? I mean it’s not like she hitched a ride from the Enterprise and was beamed out of there. All of a sudden, I heard another loud “KARRRAACCKKK”. It was a grappling hook shot out of a gun by none other that Granny herself! SON OF A SWAMP MOTHER!!! I thought out loud, “She’s got to be Batman’s Grandma!” I’ve never seen an elderly person with this much toughness. My imagination went to a point thinking that if Granny Rose ever baked warm, delicious chocolate chip cookies in her kitchen, it would be entirely possible to believe that such cookies probably each had a device implanted that made the transformation rather easily from a scrumptious treat into a throwing star of death to fight off any stealth assassins (or at least to scare off any misbehaving grandkids)! Up from the ravine climbed Granny Rose. Granny looked even more pissed than when I first met her about an hour ago. I started to run but Granny was catching up with me. Oh great!! Through the fog I saw two familiar shapes. It was my zombie girlfriend, Stacey, and my zombie dog, Goo, running to help intercept Granny! What happened next? Well, it went like this…..

To be continued.

Freakin' Dead Jed and all related characters are copyright 2012 by Action Avenue Art Studio, Action Avenue Studio and Paul Addison.  Thanks for reading Freakin' Dead Jed's blog.  I appreciate it very much.