Saturday, February 2, 2013


Chatted with my old zombie pal, Boner, the other day and he let me know of a new “business” opportunity he heard about recently.  An out of town zombie dude by the name of Rotty Rick presented a plan to keep all the local zombies fed with fresh humans and make us all rich in the process.  I smelled a slimy (well, more slimy than the normal) zombie who wanted to take us for a ride.  My next step was to have Boner introduce me to this character.  The next day Rotty met me at the pine tree grove, just south of our cemetery.  Rotty explained to me that all the local zombies were starting to realize that the human food source would start to disappear, thereby eventually, putting us zombies all in jeopardy of starving and ceasing to exist.  Rotty said, “The beautiful thing about this whole business is this:  We would advertise in Canadian publications and media outlets.  Get them to come down to our ‘vacation resort’ area, to invest in time share condos, conveniently located next to a high roller casino.  Once the Canadians arrived we will take their investment money and then eat our way right through their souls!”  I asked, “Where are we going to get the materials to build a casino and condos beforehand?”  Rotty insisted, “When I was alive, I helped build sets in Hollywood, so all we have to do is make some convincing looking fake buildings and then we’re ready for action.”  Hmmmmm, yeah, right!  As soon as we give this loser the finances to build his human trap, he’ll disappear in thin air!  So, I kicked this idiot’s ass and sent him back to his slim pit.  Little did I know Rotty is connected to the zombie mafia family, The Mongrolies.  SON OF A SWAMP MOTHER!!   Now what will I do? 

Thanks for reading Freakin' Dead Jed's blog.  It is greatly appreciated.  Freakin' Dead Jed and all related characters are copyright 2013 by Action Avenue Art Studio, Action Avenue Studio & Paul Addison. 

Sunday, January 13, 2013

Winter Blunderland....

It’s been a few weeks since we were used as extras in the movie, “The Dirt Nap Gang Rides Again” and it’s been a little boring lately.  At least until the ugliness of winter grabbed me and my zombie friends by the onions!  It’s been cold in the graveyard, well, colder than normal anyway.  Have you ever seen a zombie try to move around in the snow?  Most zombies can’t handle it.  What flexibility a zombie has in his rotten muscles seems be lost in the unforgiving weather.  While most zombies may have this trouble, they are not of extraordinary strength, intelligence and determination like I am.  Look, it’s not bragging if it’s true!  So, we encountered a blizzard a few days ago.  I was walking around with my dog, Goo, and my girlfriend, Stacey.  It was dry and sunny at one point and 50 degrees outside.  Within an hour of our walk, the temp dropped to 10 degrees and we had 7 inches of snow on the ground.  Global warming, my ass!  I sent Stacey and Goo home, with the promise I would bring home some dinner.  Using my best improvisational tactics, I grabbed a couple old tennis rackets in a storage shed behind some old dude’s garage.  I just knew snow shoes would come in handy in a situation like this and my expertise would allow me to make a pair with the aid of bubble gum and paper clips.  I keep bubble gum and paper clips in my pockets, as it’s good to be prepared for anything.  The old guy, who owned the tennis rackets, came out just as I had finished making my primitive snow shoes.  Holy Crap…. SON…. OF…. A…. SWAMP MOTHER!!!  The old guy wasn’t any ordinary old guy; he was none other than tennis legend, John McEnroe.  He looked pretty pissed as he stood on his back deck, even through the haze of falling snow.  All of a sudden, McEnroe started to yell a lot of cuss words and picked up a crossbow.  He started firing arrows at me!  Who knew this guy lived in the area and was a fan of The Walking Dead’s Daryl Dixon and his famous weaponry?  Yeah, that’s right, I’ve seen the show too.  Who hasn’t?  So, as I was doing summersaults in this back yard, trying to avoid McEnroe’s arrows, I noticed some kids in the corner of my eye.  Their dad was with them and they were all in their own backyard building a snow man.  The dad noticed me and laughed uproariously.  He yelled, “Look, Caleb and Conner!  That strange man over there who’s doing gymnastics; he looks like Daffy Duck bouncing around out here!”  That was my chance.  McEnroe was thrown off guard by the loud yelling from his next door neighbor.  He dropped his crossbow which disappeared into a snow bank.  By the time McEnroe found it, I was long gone.  Next time I go out in winter weather, I hope somebody will remind me to limit my activity to making snow angels on the ground!
Thanks for reading Freakin' Dead Jed's blog.  It is greatly appreciated.  Freakin' Dead Jed and all related characters are copyright 2013 by Action Avenue Art Studio, Action Avenue Studio and Paul Addison.