Saturday, June 23, 2012

Here’s the latest yarn about our zombie barn….

We’ve made massive, magical progress in the way of getting our zombie club, “Brained & Stained”, off the ground.  We raided the local recreational store for our pool table, foosball table and dart boards.  Well, of course it wasn’t easy as pie.  Most of my zombie dudes were there, but Ike could not be found.  That was strange.  What could Ike be up to?  His lazy ass might try to show up only after all the work has been done.  I suppose we’ll deal with him later.  It was imperative to have a truck driver to deliver all that stuff.  So, we went down to the local truck stop and “recruited” a truck driver and the use of his truck.  The pool table and all the other recreational stuff was delivered about 2 am Saturday morning.  Here’s the best part: the truck driver, Cletus, donated his 80” LED flat screen deluxe television.  Since he’s now a card carrying member of my zombie gang, I made Cletus an offer that he couldn’t refuse!  After hooking up this beautiful TV, I have to admit size does matter.  Bigger is better.  You can tell the size of a zombie’s…….. EH, HMMM.  Well, you get the picture.  (Hey, it’s not braggin’ if it’s true!)  Anyway, we finished setting up in the barn.  My dog, Goo, even came and pissed around the parameter of the barn.  I guess it’s his way of marking the territory for us.  How nice……  I guess.   It was probably 7 am when Stacey, Grandma Rose and the other gals dropped by for an unexpected visit.  Stacey said, “This will make a great social hall for me and the other ladies to chat about zombie girl stuff.  We just need some pink, frilly curtains and potpourri and we’ll be set!”  Potpourri??  SON OF A SWAMP MOTHER!!  I really hoped she was joking around……..

Thank you for reading Freakin' Dead Jed's blog.  It is greatly appreciated!  Freakin' Dead Jed and all related characters are copyright 2012 by Action Avenue Art Studio, Action Avenue Studio and Paul Addison. 

Saturday, June 9, 2012

A barn is a terrible thing to waste!

Spoke with my zombie buddies and it was almost unanimous regarding my idea to start a zombie social club in the old storage barn.  The only zombie to disagree was Slickman.  I can’t imagine why unless it’s the steel plate in his head messing with what little brain power Slickman has left.  I get worried about this guy sometimes.  It’s not a question of if, but more of when is he going to step out in front of a fire truck haulin’ ass because he’s mistaken it for an ambulance carrying around patients with open wounds!  Anyway, the vote was tallied and the zombie club house will be developed.  Frank “The Shank” came up with the perfect name for our club.  We’ll call it “Brained & Stained”.  There were a lot of excellent and creative ideas that came out of my band of zombie misfits.  Boner suggested that we have a full service blood bar complete with freshly squeezed humans.  How intoxicating!  For my zombie buds that want to get a little wasted, we’ll have that covered as well.  All we have to do is ferment a few human brains, throw them in a blender with a little salt and pineapple juice and we’ve got the zombie’s tropical drink that will scramble the innards!  Ike “The Toothpick” threw in his two cents and said that we should have a liver salad bar.  You know it’s usually good to think about health food for the zombie who wants to watch what he’s eating but I had to veto this notion.  Hey, it’s a flippin’ zombie club!  A place to unwind and have fun and not a place to worry about what kind of crap we’re eating and drinking.  Sorry, Ike, but no dice.  We’ll have a pool table, a dart board or two, maybe even a foosball table.  Oh, and don’t forget the zombie dancing girls; we’ll have to get a few of them.  You know, to help offset our ugly mugs.  Just don’t tell my girlfriend, Stacey, or any of other members’ wives or girls!  SON OF A SWAMP MOTHER!! If they find out our plans to bring in zombie dancing girls, we’ll wish we had stayed six feet under. 

Thank you for reading Freakin' Dead Jed's  blog.  It is greatly appreciated.  Freakin' Dead Jed and all related characters are copyright 2012 by Action Avenue Art Studio, Action Avenue Studio and Paul Addison. 

Sunday, June 3, 2012

Club house for my zombie crew?

When you’re a zombie like me, you have a lot of time on your hands. Sure, I get to hunt humans, but realistically, even the greatest of all zombies can’t hunt 24 hours a day. Hey, the spirit is willing, but sometimes the rotten, stinkin’ flesh is weak! So I’ve been trying to think of new things to do to occupy my down time. I overheard the grounds keeping men at the graveyard talking. Apparently, they want to have a bigger storage facility built for all the caretaking equipment. You know, things like their lawn mowers, weed killing chemicals, and the piles of cash they’re making off of stealing Memorial Day wreaths and selling them back to Cheap Crap Store so they can put wreaths back on sale.

Anyway, enough with my nutty conspiracy theories! Well, if a new storage barn is built for the equipment, that means that the current one will be empty. Even if the lug nuts who run this place try to knock the old building down, they would have a fight on their hands. Think about it! My fellow zombie dudes and I can make a zombie social club out of it. It could be epic. We could have a pool table, bar and other forms of entertainment installed. This could be the talk of the entire zombie community! Hell, I might even franchise it. Well, let’s not get ahead of ourselves. Perhaps, I better convince my posse to get on board first…..

Thanks for reading Freakin' Dead Jed's blog.  It is greatly appreciated.  Freakin' Dead Jed and all related characters are copyrighted 2012 by Action Avenue Art Studio, Action Avenue Studio and Paul Addison.
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