Saturday, November 19, 2011

Freakin' Dead Jed's new job, day 2

Got to meet at least one other co-worker today at the grocery store’s meat counter. His name is Dan. When Dan arrived at work to start his shift, I was sent to my coffee break. Guess where Cuttin’ Carl was….nope not with Barb the produce manager. All I can say is that Cuttin’ Carl must be what one would call an “adventurer” because Carl went from checking out Barb’s juicy fruits to exploring Sonja’s perky peaks! Sonja is a woman who works in the floral department here at the grocery store. I guess her “peaks and valley” are something of a legend around here. Cuttin’ Carl is worthless. I have planned to be promoted to Carl’s meat manager position some time by next week. I would have killed and eaten Carl by now, but something tells me that he is full of nothing but gristle, especially his big, fat, stupid brain. I digress… Anyway, so I was sitting on my coffee break and it occurred to me what a cool job I have. I am a butcher. Who would have dreamed a zombie would have been elevated to the rock star position of butcher? Working as a butcher may seem dull for humans, but I disagree. Think about it. The term “butcher” can even be used as an awesome nickname for other gigs. For example, if I was an MMA fighter or a pro wrestler, I could be called Jed “The Butcher” Hogan. If I was a hit man for the mob, I could be known as Jed “The Butcher” Bonaducci. If I was a plastic surgeon, I could be Dr. Jed “The Butcher” MD. Oh wait a minute; I suppose most patients don’t want to have the experience of hearing that their doctor has a nickname of “The Butcher”. Guess that was a bad example.

Thanks for reading Freakin' Dead Jed's blog. Let's all be thankful this upcoming holiday for turkey, mashed potatoes and zombies. Talk about a winning and appetizing combination!  We are vey close to Christmas too and what better gift to give the zombie or SCIFI fan on your shopping list than a great piece of zombie or SCIFI art.  Click on the link below to go to my Action Ave Art Studio store at  You'll find great zombie and SCIFI art and art related merchandise for EVERY BUDGET!  Don't forget to check out the artwork with Rusty McBolt as the subject.  He is one robotic bad ass nobody should mess with in this galaxy or any other!!

Freakin' Dead Jed, Rusty McBolt and all related characters are copyright 2011 by Action Ave Art Studio, Action Ave Studio and Paul Addison.

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Saturday, November 12, 2011

Day 1 of Jed’s new job

Being extremely excited about my first day on my new job, I arrived at the grocery store ready for work at the meat counter at cock-a-doodle dark in the morning!  My manager is a guy who goes by the nickname of “Cuttin’ Carl”.  Not sure how he got that nickname, as he is the laziest butcher/manager that I’ve ever seen.  The only thing he could cut consistently was the “cheese”.  The odors wafting up from his ass were far worse than any death stench I’ve smelled (including my own).  Carl was too busy flirting with Barb the produce manager.  Carl mentioned something about needing to thump Barb’s melons to test the freshness factor and then he took off out of the meat department like a race horse!  Oh, damn it! The dude left me hanging.  I had to train myself since Carl was over in produce enjoying the juicy fruits.  Being new to the meat cutting game, I thought it would be best to start of with something easy, so cutting a fresh bunch of T-bone steaks seemed to be the thing to do.  So I grabbed my meat.  Ooooops, I meant to say that I grabbed the uncut meat in the walk-in cooler and carted it over to the giant saw.  I hit the power button and “click, click”.  The giant saw was dead with no power to it whatsoever!  Checked to make sure that the power cord was plugged in and it was.  Fortunately, I am like a zombie boy scout.  I came prepared that morning with my own bone saw that I took as a souvenir from the city morgue.  Yes, it was slightly used by the county medical examiner hacking on corpses o’ plenty, but hey, what customers don’t know won’t hurt them.   

Thanks for reading Freakin’ Dead Jed’s blog!  I appreciate it very much.

Freakin’ Dead Jed and all related characters are copyright 2011 by Action Ave Art Studio, Action Ave Studio and Paul Addison.

Sunday, November 6, 2011

Jed's new job

Got a job at a local grocery store and I can’t believe my luck! You might think I would have to start as a sacker or cashier, but that’s not the case at all. My new position at the MEAT COUNTER will start on Monday morning! Can you believe it? The human resource department rep must not have noticed the gleam in my dead eyes when I inquired about the open butcher trainee position. It’s going to be difficult to keep my hands off the merchandise. Maybe I can practice my “slight of hand” technique. You know, when I’m cutting the prime portions of rump roast, for instance, some of the pieces can mysteriously disappear into my pockets. Another option: I could just hunt and eat everybody else that works in the meat department. That would make me department manager by process of elimination. Once in charge, I can really handle the sweet meat, so to speak. Uh-oh, I meant to say, I can handle the meat at the meat counter. Hmmm, it just crazy enough to work! I can visualize my success. It’s a good thing I went to that positive thinking self improvement seminar for zombies last month. Look out world: you’ve got a zombie who is confident and ready to take advantage of all opportunities coming his way. Who knows what’s next for me? I might just start an outlaw zombie biker gang.

Thanks for reading Freakin' Dead Jed's blog.  I appreciate it very much!

Freakin’ Dead Jed and all other related characters are copyright 2011 by Action Ave Art Studio, Action Ave Studio & Paul Addison.