Sunday, July 29, 2012
Ike’s zombie health club, Good Guts & Gory, has been a huge success. Zombies were lined up around the block just to be the next lucky one to get in. The Brained & Stained club, by comparison, has been a little less busy. In fact, my entire zombie posse was standing in line at the health club today. Guess it’s one of those cases of “If you can’t beat them, join them”. Can’t believe those morons did me like that! The zombie gang may think they’ve taken my wheelbarrow full of hopes and dreams from me, but I have refused to give up!! Did the Colonel give up when he was told to take his white polyester suit wearing ass down the road when nobody initially wanted his fried chicken recipe? Of course he didn’t! The Colonel knew people needed his chicken, just like toothless hillbillies need meth. Likewise, zombies need this club….my club, whether they realize it or not. It can become THE place for zombies to unwind after a hard day in the undead world. Have a drink, play some pool and forget about the deranged humans who have tried so damn hard to split zombie skulls with their fancy crossbows! Seriously, who wants to go to a zombie health club? That sounds like a place for zombies with low self esteem who need to feel better about being among the undead population. You know, sit in a mud bath and magically gain the confidence to face another day of hunting humans. So, I will gather my thoughts, sit at the bar by myself and plan my next strategy. Well, I haven’t been entirely alone. I mean, there were a bunch of nats and flies congregating at the cream of eyeball chip dip that has been prepared for snackin’. They were good listeners.
Thank you for reading Freakin’ Dead Jed’s blog. It is greatly appreciated. Freakin’ Dead Jed and all related characters are copyright 2012 by Action Avenue Art Studio, Action Avenue Studio and Paul Addison.
Monday, July 16, 2012
Things were going smoothly for “Brained & Stained”, our zombie club, until Ike decided to shake things up recently. Remember, Ike wanted to install a liver salad bar in Brained & Stained, and as the zombie with the power to veto that motion, I had to do it. Not to be thwarted by my lack of enthusiasm for his idea, Ike opened up a zombie health club to compete with our club. I know, right?! Just across the expanse of the old marble grove on the other side of the cemetery. Apparently, Ike took over the gigantic Harry Johnson family mausoleum. The Johnson family has not stayed there in years. They all left for the warmer weather of the south. Received a postcard from Harry just last week which said the tourists and old people in
are especially tasty this time of year. Anyway, Ike has named his new zombie health club as, “Good Guts & Gory”. Ike made his intentions clear to install mud baths spas, a liver salad bar, and some other weird exercise equipment in his club. Can you believe it?! If that wasn’t bad enough, our zombie gals, including Stacey and Granny Rose, seemed to have joined forces with Ike to help him get that venture off the ground. They even have my dog, Goo, doing tricks in front of the place to help attract attention. I was less than thrilled when I yelled, “Stacey and Goo, you betrayed me!” Who am I kidding? At the end of the day, Stacey will still be my girl and Goo will still curl up by my feet and I will still be a little annoyed at them. Florida
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Monday, July 9, 2012
The 4th of July came and went, but we had a lot of fun in the old cemetery! We enjoyed an awesome time of rest & recreation at our zombie club, “Brained & Stained”. Stacey and Granny Rose made some homemade headcheese. The cheese came from the head of a local candidate running for city council. I doubt that he’ll miss it much as his brain hasn’t experienced much activity lately. That’s what I hate about an election year: empty political promises from empty headed morons. Anyway, I also made some flesh burgers which I carved out of my latest victims…. Uh, I mean, dinner guests. We played yard darts outside of the clubhouse. Unfortunately for Slickman, a yard dart landed on his right leg and stuck him to a nearby tombstone! He’ll probably be fine, that is if we can ever get him unstuck from that tombstone. Cletus, our new zombie trucker buddy, brought some fireworks he had stashed away. The problem with Cletus is that he was also a pyromaniac when he was among the living, so he kept setting himself on fire! We also had a visit from zombies who served in our military from various wars. A couple soldiers from the Civil War, a few from the Spanish-American War and, of course, a few from the American Revolutionary War all joined our zombie Independence Day celebration. Talk about your moldy oldies! The zombified versions of General Patton and his comrade General MacArthur showed up and what a pleasant surprise that was! Well, at least until the generals fought over the last of the intestine sausages. Come on, Generals, show some mutual respect! Had to make those two old gents arm wrestle just to make it a fair contest, and then of course, when they were the heat of battle and distracted…..yours truly ate the last of intestine sausages. Ha Ha Heh,Heh! Oh, they’ll get over it. Just hope they don’t try to court martial me first.
Thanks for reading Freakin' Dead Jed's blog. It is greatly appreciated it. Freakin' Dead Jed and all related characters are copyright 2012 by Action Avenue Art Studio, Action Avenue Studio and Paul Addison.