Sunday, August 5, 2012

Jed must be obsessed

The Good Guts & Gory club has been busy with all kinds of zombies coming from all over to patronize the club.  What’s left of my rancid heart has ached.  These zombies were supposed to become members of Brained & Stained.  Well, that settled it.  It was time for me to jump into action!  Behind Ike’s club where no other zombies had noticed me, I made a zip line from the back door of the building to the tall tree about 50 yards away.  My plan was in place.  I would take the zip line down and crash through the back door.  Now you might ask what good would it do for old Jed to zip line down and crash into the back door?  Well, I tied two sacks of manure on either side of me and once I crashed through into Ike’s club, it would be time for me to release the sacks of crap and spill it all over the inside of Good Guts & Gory.  Yes, I know it sounds like a lot of work just to sabotage Ike’s venture, but hey, I’m all about taking action.  So, I waited for the right time, around 9pm Friday night to unleash my manure madness upon Ike and his friends.  With a quick release, I zipped down and remembered much too late that the back door was iron just like the front one.  SON OF A SWAMP MOTHER!!!  With a thud, I bounced off the door and landed about 15 feet from it and that manure covered me from head to toe.  When I awoke from my daze I saw Ike, Stacey, Granny Rose, Boner and all the others standing around me.  Stacey hosed the manure off and cleaned me up quite nicely.  Then they hoisted me up on top of them and carried me over to Brained & Stained.  The entire time I was being carried, everyone sang a chorus of “For He’s A Jolly Good Fellow”.  Huh?  “Why would you do that?” I asked Ike and the rest of the gang.  Ike said, “You inspired me, Jed, to create an excellent club.  You think outside the box and, as a zombie, you’re the one we all look to for leadership and guidance.”  I was amazed, but Ike continued, “I want our clubs to join forces; in fact, we should merge them into one giant club that way every zombie can have the best of both worlds.”  Well, my heart grew three sizes that night, just like the heart belonging to the Grinch.  Well, not really, I am dead after all, so my heart is pretty much stale just like the rest of me, but you get my drift.  Wow, these zombies are cool…….. or more appropriately cool and cold, because of the death thing, don’t ya know?

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