Monday, April 23, 2012

A Catastrophe of Convenience.....

Stopped by the convenience store next door to the graveyard last week to stir up some action and I got more than I bargained for, seriously.  It amazes me that a store like this still exists.  The store’s prices were way too high and so was the clerk standing behind the counter.  Did my eyes deceive me or was that a bong sticking out of his army jacket? His name tag read, “Wally” and his eyelids were half closed.  I don’t know who looked more zombie like, this dude or me!  Thought I would have a little fun with old Wally here so I said, “Say there young man, do you carry any worm food?  The worms swimming around in my guts have expressed the desire for something different in the way of nourishment.  Guess you could say they’ve grown bored with my entrails.”  That got Wally’s attention.  Wally exclaimed, “OH CRAP!  You’re a-a-a Z-Z-Z-ZOMBIE!”  With one fantastic jump over the counter, Wally hit floor running with great speed any track star would envy and ran towards the back of the store.  So, I walked in that direction only to find that Wally had found the panic room and locked the door behind him.  I said, “Come now, Wally, I was just messing with you.  If I would have wanted to eat you, you would have been a goner by now.  I’ve had my fill of human brains and flesh tonight.  It’s all good.”  Wally yelled back beyond the door in a voice of pure indignation, “No way, man, I’ve watched all the Romero classics.  No zombie ever gets his fill!  Now, get out of here, before I call the cops or….worse yet, I’ll call Grandma Rose who owns this place.  You don’t want to mess with her.  She served as an army nurse in Korea and later went on to torture spies as a CIA operative.  You don’t want to get on her bad side!”  Nothing but silence from Wally for five long minutes, so I got tired of messing with this guy.  I thought to myself, I’ll leave Wally alone to get back to his reefer madness.  Besides, Stacey and Goo are probably waiting up for me back at the graveyard.  Walked back through the store and made my way out the front door, when all of a sudden I heard a loud rumbling coming down the street.  This huge hummer was speeding and heading towards the convenience store.  No, it couldn’t be….  SON OF A SWAMP MOTHER!!!  It was Granny Rose and she did not look happy!

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