Sunday, September 23, 2012

Welcome back Jed!

So I was released from my jail sentence.  Felt good to be free once again and I added “ex-con” to my long list of accomplishments since I’ve been a zombie.  I walked back to the graveyard where Stacey and Goo “welcomed” me at our tombstones.  Stacey said, “Jed, where the red hot hell have you been for the last three days?  I’ve been worried sick about you.  Goo has been so upset that he’s been running in circles and chasing his decomposing tail.  Honestly, when he caught it, ripped it off and the maggots came pouring out!  I might be your zombie girlfriend, Jed, but I don’t want to deal with a mess like that again.  I had to have Boner clean up the nasty little beasts, which looked disturbing as well, a memory which will forever scar what’s left of my rotting brain.”  I scratched my head in amazement.  “Let me get this straight,” I responded, “For the last three days I was missing, you had no idea where I could have gone, but the only thing you’ve been trouble by was the fact that Goo lost part of his ass in his chaotic tail chase mode?”  Stacey smiled, “Well, no, I was also kind of worried about you too, but I figured that you’re a big zombie capable of taking care of himself and that your friends would tell me if I should be extremely worried.”  I gave Stacey a sideways glance and said, “It’s a long story, but let’s just say I was incarcerated for a showdown with a feisty pay phone.”   Stacey responded, “Your undead life is a magnet for troublesome adventures.  Hanging out with you is like one endless episode of the Jerry Springer show!”  I said, “Yeah, and one hell of a ride it is.”  Stacey leaned over and gave me kiss and the next thing I know we were playing tonsil hockey.  There’s an image for you:  two zombies engaged in a big, fat, harry lip lock…..  Go ahead and enjoy your breakfast!
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