Sunday, September 16, 2012

The jail bird flies.......

After a couple of days in the slammer, it became apparent the county prison guards became tired of my antics.  Oh sure, they made me public enemy over a violated pay phone, but when I tried to provide a little levity and entertain my fellow inmates, the guards showed me no love or respect for my ability to brighten such a depressing place.  By the way, I don’t remember hearing any complaints from the owner of the pay phone; I provided that pay phone with the most action it’s had in 15 years.  Anyhoo, to illustrate the straw that broke the camel’s back, let me explain what happened:  Wednesday, I was out in the exercise yard with the other county jail inmates, when boredom overtook me.  How could I enhance the enjoyable experience of every convict out here?  How could I show everyone here that zombies aren’t just dead lunatics on a flesh eating binge, but are genuine entertainers for people to enjoy and to help them to forget their troubles for a little while?  Then the idea hit me like Aunt Flo hits the lady folks out there once a month!  I saw a group of inmates out sitting around a picnic table, smoking and comparing tattoos.  Walked up to these men and said, “Guess where I was at before standing here and meeting you interesting gents just now.”  One of the inmates said, “Ok, I’ll ask…..where have you been?”  With a little bit of zombie magic, I grabbed my head on either side and popped my neck out of place which looked like a wet noodle.  Then I let my head flop upside down out of the grasp of my hands.  I answered back with a ghoulish smile and chuckle, “A hanging.”  Nobody in the exercise yard appreciated my sense of humor; all the big tough convicts fainted at the sight of my little gag. Well, let’s just say my sentence was commuted almost immediately to freedom.  Guess I know when I’m not wanted……SON OF A SWAMP MOTHER!!
Thanks for reading Freakin' Dead Jed's blog.  It is greatly appreciated.  Freakin' Dead Jed and all related characters are copyright 2012 by Action Avenue Art Studio, Action Avenue Studio and Paul Addison. 

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