A whole bus load of attitude

A week ago I laid down in the middle of the road when I saw this bus full of high school kids travelling in my direction. Once the driver slammed on the brakes and the bus came to a complete stop, I jumped up and came crashing through the door. The bus driver was horrified. She looked like I just announced the cancellation of her favorite soap opera. The kids, on the other hand, were not scared of me at all. Most of the brats shot spit wads at my head. I had to grab the bus driver just to use her as a human shield! What kind of a damn world do we occupy when the sight of a fierce, menacing zombie has little or no impact on a bunch of pimple faced geeks? It’s got to be those stupid teenage vampire movies. Ever since those cheesy movies became popular, the undead have not enjoyed the terror from humans that we once did. Women seem to consider monsters to be sexy or cute, rather than menacing. Give me a break! Well, I must admit the ladies do tell me I’m kind of sexy also, which has to be because of my rock hard abs, but that’s not the point here. The point is that monsters should be considered very frightening by one and all. Well, that lousy encounter with those kids inspired me to formulate a couple of new goals. First of all, I am going to make it my mission in the undead world to win back the respect for all zombies (werewolves and vampires are on their own; hey, I’m not running a charity here). Second, before my next attempt at high jacking a bus load of teenagers, I need to remind myself to wear a bee keeper’s mask. I picked spit wads out of my hair for five and half days afterwards. Good thing, I stopped sporting a hillbilly beard years ago.






Freakin’ Dead Jed and all related characters are copyright 2011 by Action Ave Art Studio, Action Ave Studio and Paul Addison.



Thanks for reading Freakin’ Dead Jed’s blog. Zombies are hoot. If you don’t believe me, just ask any other fan of great zombie action stories in movies and TV. Speaking of great zombie fighting TV, let’s all give enthusiastic welcome back to AMC’s “The Walking Dead” now in its second season! I know I can’t wait to watch this excellent show. The best way to celebrate a show like this one is to invest in great zombie art or art related merchandise available at my zazzle.com store. There are items for EVERY BUDGET! Click now on the link below to own your own piece of zombie Americana today!


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Freakin’ Dead Jed’s old hippie recipe

Staggered around the city park today and it made me think that I need to get an upgrade in hunting grounds.  Spotted some old stoner hippie couple sitting under a tree doing yoga and eating granola.  Well, I made the unfortunate mistake of walking on over to see if I might be able to “invite them to lunch”.  Of course I don’t speak the language of the Woodstock generation, but it wouldn’t have mattered any way.  I didn’t realize it at the time but these two were so completely baked, filled with their own special brand of “herbs and spices”, if you know what I mean, that after chewing on these two old hippies, I looked at my own hands and couldn’t stop giggling from all the crazy hallucinations.  Really, not only were these two rather toxic to my digestive system….they tasted OLD!  What in the undead world was I thinking?!  I must have been nuckin’ futs.  Somebody should have put an expiration date or best when used by date on old hippies, before one of us poor zombies gets food poisoning or reefer madness….

Thanks for reading Freakin' Dead Jed's blog thoughts.  I appreciate it very much. 

Freakin' Dead Jed and all related characters are copyright 2011 by Action Avenue Art Studio, Action Avenue Studio and Paul Addison. 

A zombie's value menu....

The other day it occurred to me that we don’t see enough zombie entrepreneurs. I mean what’s up with that? Just because zombies are undead, doesn’t mean that we can’t form the necessary pattern of thought involved to be a top notch zombie entrepreneur. I was thinking, for instance, that a zombie with the means to do so, could get a hold of one of those lunch wagon vans. You know, the ones you see parked next to construction sites or outside of a business district, where workers can grab a quick bite. Anyway, a lunch wagon van for zombies might be a smashing success. I’m not exactly sure how the business model would work really, since most of us zombies don’t carry around money to pay for lunch…hence why we do a lot of human hunting, which tends to be a “free” meal of sorts. SON OF A SWAMP MOTHER, I just got an idea! I could drive my zombie lunch van to Wall Street and then onto Silicon Valley. Anybody with half a brain knows that when we take over these two particular areas, the newly infected zombies there will be loaded with cash and very, very hungry! The newly minted zombie millionaires will be so hungry, they won’t care if they have to pay premium prices from the menu items on my lunch van. Now I’m getting somewhere. So now I would like to get a rough idea regarding my top ten lunch items that could be on the menu….coming soon to a zombie millionaire infested city near you:




10. Ladyfinger Sandwiches (extra finger toppings available)

9. PB & J Sandwich (peanut butter & some woman named Jilly)

8. Nasty, Bloody Foot In A Footlong Sandwich

7. Tongue Taco

6. Liver Quiver Jello

5. Pancreas Pudding

4. Kidney Nuggets

3. Steak –n- Legs

2. Pop –n- Fresh Eyeballs (betcha can’t eat just one!)

1. Braaaaaaaains O’Burger

 
Thanks for reading Freakin' Dead Jed's blog!  Freakin' Dead Jed and all related characters are copyright 2011 by Action Ave Art Studio, Action Ave Studio and Paul Addison.

A squirrel in the hand is worth......

The other day I was out wandering around in a residential neighborhood, looking for food as any good zombie would normally do, when all of a sudden I heard this extremely loud sonic boom.  I looked up and a squirrel was flying through the air.  That crazy rodent must climbed way too close to the transformer on the power line and BOOM, electrified, squirrel rocket shot right over my head!!  Ran over to the smokin’, charred, little mammal, but it was too late for CPR.  It was too late for first aid ointment….. RIP, my poor, little, fuzzy dude.  It was clear in my mind; I had to pay proper respects. Now was the time to say a few carefully chosen words over his remains, it was the only right thing I could do.  I began slowly and said, “As I mournfully stand over one of God’s little creatures, who alas is no more….. Ah, screw it….Over the teeth, past the gums, look out stomach, here it comes!”  This unexpected treat could have used a little A-1 sauce, but other than that, the damn little animal was delicious…. Hey, don’t judge me; a well fed zombie is a happy zombie.  Bite me, PETA.


Thank you for reading Freakin’ Dead Jed’s blog. Now, I would like to make it clear that I will only be promoting my Action Avenue Art Studio store at zazzle.com about once a month. It was brought to my attention that it would make more sense to do so and I agree.  My goal is to be truthful with my blog readers, so I must admit when I make little plugs for my artwork and art related merchandise for sale at zazzle, it is not to distract readers away from this blog.  The thought behind this is that all my artwork and related products are meant be complimentary to the fun that I have writing this blog every week.  I get enjoyment from making the art and I also want to build a community of collectors for my artwork, so don’t be surprised when you do see the occasional commercial asking you to purchase something. In the meantime, read on, I appreciate it.

Freakin’ Dead Jed and all related characters are copyright 2011 by Action Ave Art Studio, Action Ave Studio and Paul Addison.

A zombie chat, what up with that?

 You see it’s tricky with us zombies.  We don’t have a zombie equivalent of Facebook, since most members of our ranks don’t have a face.  To communicate and socialize, it’s important to be able to plug into the zombie community by speaking face to face with one another.  These zombie to zombie encounters can be packed full with information, you know, where are the easiest pickings for human victims and what areas of the state have humans taken over shopping malls and turned these once pinnacles of consumerism into anti zombie bunkers.  Let's face it, a well informed zombie is a....well, I suppose.... just a zombie, but a zombie with something to think about when he's not chasing down food.   Anyway, attempted to communicate with Boris today and that was odd to say the least.  He was an interesting character when he was alive.  Boris used to be an auctioneer when he was still human. I always thought that line of work would have been challenging to pursue.  Figured my tongue would have ended up in traction if I would have tried to talk that fast!  The grave plot that Boris calls home in the cemetery is only four plots away from my own.  Boris is a bit of a grouch, kind of an “I just woke up on the wrong side of the casket” type of grouch.  Boris is like the old dude that tells the neighborhood kids to get off his lawn and then doesn’t think twice about letting his dog drop a huge honkin’ deuce on his neighbor’s lawn!  Suppose I should lighten up on old Boris; guess I would be a grouchy bastard too if I was missing my lower jaw. 

Thanks for reading Freakin' Dead Jed's blog thoughts.  He's a zombie with a heart of gold, which he obviously ate from his last human victim!  Hey, the gift giving season will soon be upon us.  What better way to say you care about the zombie or scifi fan in your life, than to invest in a Freakin' Dead Jed art print or a Ranger Rusty McBolt art print at my Action Ave Art Studio store located at zazzle.com.  We have art and art related merchandise for EVERY BUDGET.  Collect them for yourself or for the other zombie/scifi fan in your life.  Go on, click on the link below......you know you want to.....DO IT TODAY!

Freakin' Dead Jed, Rusty McBolt, and all other related characters are copyright 2011 by Action Ave Art Studio, Action Ave Studio and Paul Addison.

create & buy custom products at Zazzle

Alley Oooooppps!

The other night I was out prowling around, looking for some flesh to digest.  At some point I walked down a dark alley and came upon these two tough looking young teenagers who apparently decided that night to embark on a criminal enterprise.  They saw me walking towards them and shouted, “Hey, old man, give us all your money!”  Once these brain-dead poster children realized my undead state, they took off screaming.  I didn’t even get a chance to impart my wisdom to let them know that a life of crime will not pay off in the end and how the local youth detention center could use a couple bone heads like them (if for no other reason, the football team there could use new tackling dummies).  What is with all their screaming, “AAAHHHH, It’s a ZOMBIE!!! HELP!!!” Hey, I like to consider myself more than a mere zombie.  My duty is to be an ambassador of the undead, at least an agent of compromise.  Instead of eating their brains, I could have compromised and been satisfied with a couple of eyeballs or hands.  Hey, I am easy to get along with, but obviously these two idiots didn’t want to stick around to find out.  Guess it’s just as well, any body parts I could have ripped off and ate from either one of them would made me dumber than a box of rocks.  You know, you are what you eat!

Thanks for reading Freakin' Dead Jed's blog.  Be sure to tell your friends about it.  Even if you hate this blog, tell your enemies about it and send them here to seal their fate.  Also click on the link below to go to the Action Avenue Art Studio store for great art and art-related merchandise.  Everybody collects something, start today by collecting cool stuff from Action Avenue Art Studio.  Freakin' Dead Jed isn't the only awesome character at the Action Ave Studio store; Galactic Ranger Rusty McBolt is there and available for your scifi collection.  Invest in this excellent art and enjoy it in your home today!

Freakin' Dead Jed, Rusty McBolt and all related characters are copyright 2011 by Action Ave Art Studio, Action Ave Studio and Paul Addison.

create & buy custom products at Zazzle

Claude from the dirt clods....

Kind of a slow weekend around the graveyard because of Labor Day, in fact, the whole town is rather quiet.  I suppose most people traveled out of town to enjoy the long weekend with family and friends.  Not much for us zombies to do with virtually no people to hunt, chase and devour.  These guys and girls in the graveyard are my zombie crew, but even they get a little boring sometimes.  Recently, I met a new fellow to chat with.  No, not another zombie, let me explain.  The other day I woke up and heard a voice in my head that wasn’t mine, which prompted me to think that I was going crazy.  Yes, I know….a zombie that’s gone wacko, what are the odds?!  Anyway, this dude called himself “Claude”.  I said, “Claude, make yourself visible to me right this minute.  You don’t have a right to be taking up residence in my head without my permission!”  Claude responded, “Look, I mean you no harm.  I am worm and you could say that I am in the worm witness protection program.  I have sought refuge in your body.”  My next response was to say, “What worm witness protection program?”  Claude said, “There is a whole underground mob scene of worm gangster families, who are constantly at odds with the beetle gangster families.  Both of these underground crime families are trying to seize control to the cemetery turf and I am trying to get out of that way of life, so I sought refuge in your body.”  I then felt a rustling under my skin and within a minute, a little worm poked his head out from the skin on my neck.  “Hello”, he said. “Claude is here.”  Wow, who would have thought that fish bait could have such a ‘Good Fella’ like existence in the ground upon which I walk.  Talk about a strange shock to the system. 

Thanks for reading Freakin' Dead Jed's thoughts.  A freakish zombie with brain munchin' and crunchin' as his goal, Jed is also inclined to let a victim know what's on his mind before the chompin' begins!  Please click on the link below to view my artwork and art-related merchandise.  You might even find a great gift for yourself or the scifi or zombie fan in your life.  There are items to be had for EVERY BUDGET, so invest in some great scifi or zombie cartoon art TODAY!!  Don't forget to check out Rusty McBolt, a first class galactic robot ranger and one hell of a mean futuristic crime fighter. 

Freakin' Dead Jed, Ranger Rusty McBolt and all related characters are copyright 2011 by Action Ave Art Studio, Action Ave Studio and Paul Addison.

create & buy custom products at Zazzle