Get your motors runnin'

So our zombie biker gang, The Rotten & Ripe Riders, went on our first ride together just the other night.  It was glorious!  It feels good to be an outlaw zombie biker.  We created mayhem.  First, we rode out to Easy Rest Haven, a nursing home for elderly folks in our city.  We teased the old people sitting on the front porch to stop gumming their pudding, get off their lazy butts and to hunt down some food for dinner.  They were a little confused, although unafraid, at first, so we said that we were executives from the nursing home’s office and were there to let them know that the nursing home was out of food.  That got the old folks’ attention.  About two-thirds of the folks sitting there went over to the koi pond on the property and attempted to grab fish out of the water with their bare hands!  Hilarious! We’re so bad ass!  Then we rode out to the grocery store that I worked at for a while as a butcher.  Took the shopping carts from the outside cart racks and used them to form pyramids!  Once the police arrived, we rode out of there in a hurry. We’re so bad ass!  The next place we went was to drive by statue of the founder of our great city.  It is a statue of General Zeke “Bubba” Goldberg.  He was an accomplished man, kind of a redneck Jewish dude who had a penchant for playing checkers, making moonshine, stuffing cash in his mattress and eating kosher foods.  That statue looked great adorned in TP!  That’s right, we wrapped toilet paper all around him; when we were finished, poor Bubba looked like he was wearing a toga!  We’re so bad ass!  Our last stop was to get a quick bite to eat before heading back home, so we settled on a Chinese restaurant just three blocks away from the graveyard.  Damn, those Asian people’s brains tasted great!  The only problem is that an hour later and I was hungry again.  We’re so bad ass and undead!    


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