Even zombies get the blues......

It’s been a week since I lost my job at the meat counter.  Of course, I could have lost my head just like Cuttin’ Carl did, but that’s a different can of worms.  It’s not like Carl was using it anyway.  In my unemployed state, it has been apparent that depression is starting to creep in.  For one, I’ve been overeating quite a bit.  Usually a zombie eats three humans a day, but since getting fired, I’ve overindulged with a whopping extra seven humans.  Two of my zombie pals, Boner and Slickman, became pissed at me.  Boner said, “If you continue to overeat beyond your share of the humans, Jed, dwarfs will be the only nourishment left for the rest of us!”  (Dwarfs are basically the appetizers in the zombie meal plan.  They’re tasty, but a zombie can not be sustained with these bite-sized morsels.)  I responded to Boner, “You’d think you knuckleheads would have something better to do than to worry about my eating habits.”  I guess I can’t fart without the rest of the zombies worrying about how it affects the graveyard culture.  Maybe I should start a zombie biker gang.  With me in charge of the biker gang, there would be an established pecking order to how things go down, with no room for complainers.  I already have my Harley, thanks to Cuttin’ Carl.  Now where can I find the rest of the members of my club?

Thanks for reading Freakin' Dead Jed's blog.  I appreciate it very much.

Freakin' Dead Jed and all other characters are copyright 2011 by Action Avenue Art Studio, Action Avenue Studio and Paul Addison. 

Jed's bad career move

I went into work today and……..was fired from the meat counter.  I asked Cuttin’ Carl why would I, the great and noble zombie, Freakin’ Dead Jed, deserve such a cruel and quick ending to a stellar butcher career.  Cuttin’ Carl hurled his accusation, “Some of the customers have called to complain stating the hamburger and sausage meat tastes very funny.  Jed, you must have contaminated the meat in some manner!”  I responded gruffly, “You’ve got to be kidding me??!!  I am the most professional butcher on this staff! I wear a hair net, the gloves and an apron every damn day.  My customer service skills are of the highest quality.  True, I ate that millionaire a couple of weeks ago, but that moron had it coming.  Consider it a public service.”  Cuttin’ Carl replied, “You see, that’s just it, Jed.  We can’t have you going around eating the customers because of their own lack of good judgment.  Corporate office is a little upset over all this and you have to go.”  I waited for a good minute to decide my next strategy.  Staring Cuttin’ Carl down, I said, “Perhaps, I will let you live through this, Carl, if you give me the keys to your Harley.”  Cuttin’ Carl exclaimed, “What?!  You’re nuts!  No way in Hell will I give you the keys to my Harley!  You see all these knives and cleavers around here, well, they don’t call me Cuttin’ Carl for nothing, you loser….now get out of here!!”  Carl’s empty, decapitated head will make a fantastic gumball dispenser back at the graveyard and the Harley sure is a sweet ride, but I am going to miss that butcher gig…..

Thanks for reading Freakin' Dead Jed's blog.  I appreciate it very much. 

Freakin' Dead Jed and all other related characters are copyright 2011 by Action Avenue Art Studio, Action Avenue Studio and Paul Addison.

Thanksgiving’s misgivings

So Thanksgiving came and went and we were really busy at the meat counter.  Two days before the holiday, the town’s wealthiest man, Mr. Buck Sterling Silver III, came into the grocery store.  He walked right up to me and said, “I am here to pick up the three dozen frozen turkeys I special ordered for the Thanksgiving holiday.”  I turned to Cuttin’ Carl and he confirmed that this millionaire has a standing order of three dozen turkeys every year.  In my amazement, I said to Mr. Silver, “Wow, you must be feeding an army!”  He responded, “No, one is for my family and I am dropping off five to the local homeless shelter.”  I questioned, “What about the other 30 turkeys that you’re hauling out of here, surely you have plans for them?”  Mr. Silver gave a sharp answer, “Oh, I have plans most certainly.  I have next door neighbor who is a vegan.  Every year I strategically plant the 30 turkeys throughout his yard with 30 R.I.P. tombstones, cut from plywood.  As an added bonus, I give each turkey a name such as Charlie, Harold, etc. and I have the names printed onto the corresponding tombstones.  The best part is that the vegan and his family go out of town every Thanksgiving and arrive home to his turkey graveyard!  It’s hilarious!”  It’s great to see a white trash millionaire making his mark on the world.  I ambushed Mr. Silver in the parking lot and put my “mark” on his head with a ferocious zombie bite.    

Thanks for reading Freakin' Dead Jed's blog.  I appreciate it. 

Freakin' Dead Jed and all related characters are copyright 2011 by Action Avenue Art Studio, Action Avenue Studio & Paul Addison. 

Freakin' Dead Jed's new job, day 2

Got to meet at least one other co-worker today at the grocery store’s meat counter. His name is Dan. When Dan arrived at work to start his shift, I was sent to my coffee break. Guess where Cuttin’ Carl was….nope not with Barb the produce manager. All I can say is that Cuttin’ Carl must be what one would call an “adventurer” because Carl went from checking out Barb’s juicy fruits to exploring Sonja’s perky peaks! Sonja is a woman who works in the floral department here at the grocery store. I guess her “peaks and valley” are something of a legend around here. Cuttin’ Carl is worthless. I have planned to be promoted to Carl’s meat manager position some time by next week. I would have killed and eaten Carl by now, but something tells me that he is full of nothing but gristle, especially his big, fat, stupid brain. I digress… Anyway, so I was sitting on my coffee break and it occurred to me what a cool job I have. I am a butcher. Who would have dreamed a zombie would have been elevated to the rock star position of butcher? Working as a butcher may seem dull for humans, but I disagree. Think about it. The term “butcher” can even be used as an awesome nickname for other gigs. For example, if I was an MMA fighter or a pro wrestler, I could be called Jed “The Butcher” Hogan. If I was a hit man for the mob, I could be known as Jed “The Butcher” Bonaducci. If I was a plastic surgeon, I could be Dr. Jed “The Butcher” MD. Oh wait a minute; I suppose most patients don’t want to have the experience of hearing that their doctor has a nickname of “The Butcher”. Guess that was a bad example.

Thanks for reading Freakin' Dead Jed's blog. Let's all be thankful this upcoming holiday for turkey, mashed potatoes and zombies. Talk about a winning and appetizing combination!  We are vey close to Christmas too and what better gift to give the zombie or SCIFI fan on your shopping list than a great piece of zombie or SCIFI art.  Click on the link below to go to my Action Ave Art Studio store at zazzle.com.  You'll find great zombie and SCIFI art and art related merchandise for EVERY BUDGET!  Don't forget to check out the artwork with Rusty McBolt as the subject.  He is one robotic bad ass nobody should mess with in this galaxy or any other!!

Freakin' Dead Jed, Rusty McBolt and all related characters are copyright 2011 by Action Ave Art Studio, Action Ave Studio and Paul Addison.


create & buy custom products at Zazzle

Day 1 of Jed’s new job

Being extremely excited about my first day on my new job, I arrived at the grocery store ready for work at the meat counter at cock-a-doodle dark in the morning!  My manager is a guy who goes by the nickname of “Cuttin’ Carl”.  Not sure how he got that nickname, as he is the laziest butcher/manager that I’ve ever seen.  The only thing he could cut consistently was the “cheese”.  The odors wafting up from his ass were far worse than any death stench I’ve smelled (including my own).  Carl was too busy flirting with Barb the produce manager.  Carl mentioned something about needing to thump Barb’s melons to test the freshness factor and then he took off out of the meat department like a race horse!  Oh, damn it! The dude left me hanging.  I had to train myself since Carl was over in produce enjoying the juicy fruits.  Being new to the meat cutting game, I thought it would be best to start of with something easy, so cutting a fresh bunch of T-bone steaks seemed to be the thing to do.  So I grabbed my meat.  Ooooops, I meant to say that I grabbed the uncut meat in the walk-in cooler and carted it over to the giant saw.  I hit the power button and “click, click”.  The giant saw was dead with no power to it whatsoever!  Checked to make sure that the power cord was plugged in and it was.  Fortunately, I am like a zombie boy scout.  I came prepared that morning with my own bone saw that I took as a souvenir from the city morgue.  Yes, it was slightly used by the county medical examiner hacking on corpses o’ plenty, but hey, what customers don’t know won’t hurt them.   

Thanks for reading Freakin’ Dead Jed’s blog!  I appreciate it very much.

Freakin’ Dead Jed and all related characters are copyright 2011 by Action Ave Art Studio, Action Ave Studio and Paul Addison.

Jed's new job

Got a job at a local grocery store and I can’t believe my luck! You might think I would have to start as a sacker or cashier, but that’s not the case at all. My new position at the MEAT COUNTER will start on Monday morning! Can you believe it? The human resource department rep must not have noticed the gleam in my dead eyes when I inquired about the open butcher trainee position. It’s going to be difficult to keep my hands off the merchandise. Maybe I can practice my “slight of hand” technique. You know, when I’m cutting the prime portions of rump roast, for instance, some of the pieces can mysteriously disappear into my pockets. Another option: I could just hunt and eat everybody else that works in the meat department. That would make me department manager by process of elimination. Once in charge, I can really handle the sweet meat, so to speak. Uh-oh, I meant to say, I can handle the meat at the meat counter. Hmmm, it just crazy enough to work! I can visualize my success. It’s a good thing I went to that positive thinking self improvement seminar for zombies last month. Look out world: you’ve got a zombie who is confident and ready to take advantage of all opportunities coming his way. Who knows what’s next for me? I might just start an outlaw zombie biker gang.


Thanks for reading Freakin' Dead Jed's blog.  I appreciate it very much!

Freakin’ Dead Jed and all other related characters are copyright 2011 by Action Ave Art Studio, Action Ave Studio & Paul Addison.

What a bunch of Halloweenies!

Halloween is here once again! The adults get into this holiday much more than the kids do these days. Nothing quite like seeing an adult dressed up like gorilla outside of a night club barfing his guts out after one too many shots of tequila. To his credit, gonzo gorilla guy still had enough working gray matter between his ears to take off his mask before barfing. Talk about your bad after taste. Anyway, after witnessing this miracle of modern society, I made my way to a more quiet residential area. The kids were out roaming around, doing the trick or treat deal. I guess everybody just thought I was one of the adults walking around in a zombie costume, because nobody gave me much of a second thought. Then all of a sudden I stopped cold. There was my 6th grade teacher’s house. No way could she still be alive. Mrs. Johnson would be like, I don’t know, maybe 127 years old! She was crazy. I got into trouble once, just because I had a sense of humor and Mrs. Johnson left hers in the smoke filled teacher’s lounge. Mrs. J gave our class a reading assignment to do while she graded our homework assignment. She was chewing on one of her ink pens while doing the grading. I mean Mrs. J was going to town on this pen, chewing on it like she needed more fiber in her diet. I looked up from my desk momentarily and saw one of the funniest things ever. The ink from her chewed up pen covered Mrs. J’s teeth! I couldn’t stop laughing and then the whole class joined me. Oh yeah, I’m the bad guy. She was the idiot chewing on a pen like it held the secrets to the fountain of youth, but no I was the one who got in trouble and sent to the principal’s office. So fast forward to this Halloween evening and I walked up to Mrs. J’s house and knocked on the door. Mrs. J answered the door in her ancient glory, still with the red ink stained all over her teeth! Talk about your hard luck.
I said “Trick or treat” and to my amazement Mrs. J gave me a treat. Here I thought I might score something good like a Snickers bar or a Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup, but no once again Mrs. J revealed herself to be the ultimate killjoy. Mrs. J handed me some stewed stinky prunes that may have been in her pantry since she retired. This was not cool at all. I looked up from the dripping, nasty prunes in my hand and she had slammed the door on my face. Mrs. J looked through the door window. She crinkled up her face gave me one creepy ass grin and started to laugh uncontrollably. Guess Mrs. J does have a sense of humor after all.



Thanks for reading Freakin’ Dead Jed’s blog. Have a Happy Halloween!






Freakin’ Dead Jed and all other related characters are copyright 2011 by Action Ave Art Studio, Action Ave Studio and Paul Addison.

Political Gain & Political Pain

I’ve been thinking about running for political office.  I could start off small, such as city dog catcher.  The people of this city might as well be warned: if elected, I will eat every dog that I am able to catch.  Many zombies would be envious of my newly elected position and my opportunity to eat my weight in pooch pounds.  Just think of it as an incentive to keep your pooches in your damn yard!  Well, maybe I wouldn’t win dog catcher election on that platform.  What about a congressional or senate race bid for good old’ Jed?  I mean I couldn’t be any worse than the dead driftwood we have in power right now.  Seriously, the other day while watching TV, I found myself channel surfing and stopped on C-Span, one of those real rib tickling comedy channels, that the living must really enjoy.  After sticking with this choice for a few minutes, I couldn’t tell if I was watching the government in action or a real boring zombie flick!  Anyway, if I consider running for a political office, it would go along way towards regaining the respect for the zombie community.  Think about all the political rallies that my supporters would attend to hear me speak.  I would carefully outline my plan to bring back jobs, improve the economy, cut spending and eat the elderly before their “expiration date” is up.  Ooopps, I should probably keep that last political promise out of earshot of the voting public.  What they don’t know won’t hurt them.  Isn’t that the creed of all great politicians anyway?  Hell yeah it is!

Thanks for reading Freakin' Dead Jed's zombie blog!  I appreciate it very much.

Freakin' Dead Jed and all related characters are copyright 2011 by Action Ave Art Studio, Action Ave Studio and Paul Addison. 

A whole bus load of attitude

A week ago I laid down in the middle of the road when I saw this bus full of high school kids travelling in my direction. Once the driver slammed on the brakes and the bus came to a complete stop, I jumped up and came crashing through the door. The bus driver was horrified. She looked like I just announced the cancellation of her favorite soap opera. The kids, on the other hand, were not scared of me at all. Most of the brats shot spit wads at my head. I had to grab the bus driver just to use her as a human shield! What kind of a damn world do we occupy when the sight of a fierce, menacing zombie has little or no impact on a bunch of pimple faced geeks? It’s got to be those stupid teenage vampire movies. Ever since those cheesy movies became popular, the undead have not enjoyed the terror from humans that we once did. Women seem to consider monsters to be sexy or cute, rather than menacing. Give me a break! Well, I must admit the ladies do tell me I’m kind of sexy also, which has to be because of my rock hard abs, but that’s not the point here. The point is that monsters should be considered very frightening by one and all. Well, that lousy encounter with those kids inspired me to formulate a couple of new goals. First of all, I am going to make it my mission in the undead world to win back the respect for all zombies (werewolves and vampires are on their own; hey, I’m not running a charity here). Second, before my next attempt at high jacking a bus load of teenagers, I need to remind myself to wear a bee keeper’s mask. I picked spit wads out of my hair for five and half days afterwards. Good thing, I stopped sporting a hillbilly beard years ago.






Freakin’ Dead Jed and all related characters are copyright 2011 by Action Ave Art Studio, Action Ave Studio and Paul Addison.



Thanks for reading Freakin’ Dead Jed’s blog. Zombies are hoot. If you don’t believe me, just ask any other fan of great zombie action stories in movies and TV. Speaking of great zombie fighting TV, let’s all give enthusiastic welcome back to AMC’s “The Walking Dead” now in its second season! I know I can’t wait to watch this excellent show. The best way to celebrate a show like this one is to invest in great zombie art or art related merchandise available at my zazzle.com store. There are items for EVERY BUDGET! Click now on the link below to own your own piece of zombie Americana today!


create & buy custom products at Zazzle

Freakin’ Dead Jed’s old hippie recipe

Staggered around the city park today and it made me think that I need to get an upgrade in hunting grounds.  Spotted some old stoner hippie couple sitting under a tree doing yoga and eating granola.  Well, I made the unfortunate mistake of walking on over to see if I might be able to “invite them to lunch”.  Of course I don’t speak the language of the Woodstock generation, but it wouldn’t have mattered any way.  I didn’t realize it at the time but these two were so completely baked, filled with their own special brand of “herbs and spices”, if you know what I mean, that after chewing on these two old hippies, I looked at my own hands and couldn’t stop giggling from all the crazy hallucinations.  Really, not only were these two rather toxic to my digestive system….they tasted OLD!  What in the undead world was I thinking?!  I must have been nuckin’ futs.  Somebody should have put an expiration date or best when used by date on old hippies, before one of us poor zombies gets food poisoning or reefer madness….

Thanks for reading Freakin' Dead Jed's blog thoughts.  I appreciate it very much. 

Freakin' Dead Jed and all related characters are copyright 2011 by Action Avenue Art Studio, Action Avenue Studio and Paul Addison. 

A zombie's value menu....

The other day it occurred to me that we don’t see enough zombie entrepreneurs. I mean what’s up with that? Just because zombies are undead, doesn’t mean that we can’t form the necessary pattern of thought involved to be a top notch zombie entrepreneur. I was thinking, for instance, that a zombie with the means to do so, could get a hold of one of those lunch wagon vans. You know, the ones you see parked next to construction sites or outside of a business district, where workers can grab a quick bite. Anyway, a lunch wagon van for zombies might be a smashing success. I’m not exactly sure how the business model would work really, since most of us zombies don’t carry around money to pay for lunch…hence why we do a lot of human hunting, which tends to be a “free” meal of sorts. SON OF A SWAMP MOTHER, I just got an idea! I could drive my zombie lunch van to Wall Street and then onto Silicon Valley. Anybody with half a brain knows that when we take over these two particular areas, the newly infected zombies there will be loaded with cash and very, very hungry! The newly minted zombie millionaires will be so hungry, they won’t care if they have to pay premium prices from the menu items on my lunch van. Now I’m getting somewhere. So now I would like to get a rough idea regarding my top ten lunch items that could be on the menu….coming soon to a zombie millionaire infested city near you:




10. Ladyfinger Sandwiches (extra finger toppings available)

9. PB & J Sandwich (peanut butter & some woman named Jilly)

8. Nasty, Bloody Foot In A Footlong Sandwich

7. Tongue Taco

6. Liver Quiver Jello

5. Pancreas Pudding

4. Kidney Nuggets

3. Steak –n- Legs

2. Pop –n- Fresh Eyeballs (betcha can’t eat just one!)

1. Braaaaaaaains O’Burger

 
Thanks for reading Freakin' Dead Jed's blog!  Freakin' Dead Jed and all related characters are copyright 2011 by Action Ave Art Studio, Action Ave Studio and Paul Addison.

A squirrel in the hand is worth......

The other day I was out wandering around in a residential neighborhood, looking for food as any good zombie would normally do, when all of a sudden I heard this extremely loud sonic boom.  I looked up and a squirrel was flying through the air.  That crazy rodent must climbed way too close to the transformer on the power line and BOOM, electrified, squirrel rocket shot right over my head!!  Ran over to the smokin’, charred, little mammal, but it was too late for CPR.  It was too late for first aid ointment….. RIP, my poor, little, fuzzy dude.  It was clear in my mind; I had to pay proper respects. Now was the time to say a few carefully chosen words over his remains, it was the only right thing I could do.  I began slowly and said, “As I mournfully stand over one of God’s little creatures, who alas is no more….. Ah, screw it….Over the teeth, past the gums, look out stomach, here it comes!”  This unexpected treat could have used a little A-1 sauce, but other than that, the damn little animal was delicious…. Hey, don’t judge me; a well fed zombie is a happy zombie.  Bite me, PETA.


Thank you for reading Freakin’ Dead Jed’s blog. Now, I would like to make it clear that I will only be promoting my Action Avenue Art Studio store at zazzle.com about once a month. It was brought to my attention that it would make more sense to do so and I agree.  My goal is to be truthful with my blog readers, so I must admit when I make little plugs for my artwork and art related merchandise for sale at zazzle, it is not to distract readers away from this blog.  The thought behind this is that all my artwork and related products are meant be complimentary to the fun that I have writing this blog every week.  I get enjoyment from making the art and I also want to build a community of collectors for my artwork, so don’t be surprised when you do see the occasional commercial asking you to purchase something. In the meantime, read on, I appreciate it.

Freakin’ Dead Jed and all related characters are copyright 2011 by Action Ave Art Studio, Action Ave Studio and Paul Addison.

A zombie chat, what up with that?

 You see it’s tricky with us zombies.  We don’t have a zombie equivalent of Facebook, since most members of our ranks don’t have a face.  To communicate and socialize, it’s important to be able to plug into the zombie community by speaking face to face with one another.  These zombie to zombie encounters can be packed full with information, you know, where are the easiest pickings for human victims and what areas of the state have humans taken over shopping malls and turned these once pinnacles of consumerism into anti zombie bunkers.  Let's face it, a well informed zombie is a....well, I suppose.... just a zombie, but a zombie with something to think about when he's not chasing down food.   Anyway, attempted to communicate with Boris today and that was odd to say the least.  He was an interesting character when he was alive.  Boris used to be an auctioneer when he was still human. I always thought that line of work would have been challenging to pursue.  Figured my tongue would have ended up in traction if I would have tried to talk that fast!  The grave plot that Boris calls home in the cemetery is only four plots away from my own.  Boris is a bit of a grouch, kind of an “I just woke up on the wrong side of the casket” type of grouch.  Boris is like the old dude that tells the neighborhood kids to get off his lawn and then doesn’t think twice about letting his dog drop a huge honkin’ deuce on his neighbor’s lawn!  Suppose I should lighten up on old Boris; guess I would be a grouchy bastard too if I was missing my lower jaw. 

Thanks for reading Freakin' Dead Jed's blog thoughts.  He's a zombie with a heart of gold, which he obviously ate from his last human victim!  Hey, the gift giving season will soon be upon us.  What better way to say you care about the zombie or scifi fan in your life, than to invest in a Freakin' Dead Jed art print or a Ranger Rusty McBolt art print at my Action Ave Art Studio store located at zazzle.com.  We have art and art related merchandise for EVERY BUDGET.  Collect them for yourself or for the other zombie/scifi fan in your life.  Go on, click on the link below......you know you want to.....DO IT TODAY!

Freakin' Dead Jed, Rusty McBolt, and all other related characters are copyright 2011 by Action Ave Art Studio, Action Ave Studio and Paul Addison.

create & buy custom products at Zazzle

Alley Oooooppps!

The other night I was out prowling around, looking for some flesh to digest.  At some point I walked down a dark alley and came upon these two tough looking young teenagers who apparently decided that night to embark on a criminal enterprise.  They saw me walking towards them and shouted, “Hey, old man, give us all your money!”  Once these brain-dead poster children realized my undead state, they took off screaming.  I didn’t even get a chance to impart my wisdom to let them know that a life of crime will not pay off in the end and how the local youth detention center could use a couple bone heads like them (if for no other reason, the football team there could use new tackling dummies).  What is with all their screaming, “AAAHHHH, It’s a ZOMBIE!!! HELP!!!” Hey, I like to consider myself more than a mere zombie.  My duty is to be an ambassador of the undead, at least an agent of compromise.  Instead of eating their brains, I could have compromised and been satisfied with a couple of eyeballs or hands.  Hey, I am easy to get along with, but obviously these two idiots didn’t want to stick around to find out.  Guess it’s just as well, any body parts I could have ripped off and ate from either one of them would made me dumber than a box of rocks.  You know, you are what you eat!

Thanks for reading Freakin' Dead Jed's blog.  Be sure to tell your friends about it.  Even if you hate this blog, tell your enemies about it and send them here to seal their fate.  Also click on the link below to go to the Action Avenue Art Studio store for great art and art-related merchandise.  Everybody collects something, start today by collecting cool stuff from Action Avenue Art Studio.  Freakin' Dead Jed isn't the only awesome character at the Action Ave Studio store; Galactic Ranger Rusty McBolt is there and available for your scifi collection.  Invest in this excellent art and enjoy it in your home today!

Freakin' Dead Jed, Rusty McBolt and all related characters are copyright 2011 by Action Ave Art Studio, Action Ave Studio and Paul Addison.

create & buy custom products at Zazzle

Claude from the dirt clods....

Kind of a slow weekend around the graveyard because of Labor Day, in fact, the whole town is rather quiet.  I suppose most people traveled out of town to enjoy the long weekend with family and friends.  Not much for us zombies to do with virtually no people to hunt, chase and devour.  These guys and girls in the graveyard are my zombie crew, but even they get a little boring sometimes.  Recently, I met a new fellow to chat with.  No, not another zombie, let me explain.  The other day I woke up and heard a voice in my head that wasn’t mine, which prompted me to think that I was going crazy.  Yes, I know….a zombie that’s gone wacko, what are the odds?!  Anyway, this dude called himself “Claude”.  I said, “Claude, make yourself visible to me right this minute.  You don’t have a right to be taking up residence in my head without my permission!”  Claude responded, “Look, I mean you no harm.  I am worm and you could say that I am in the worm witness protection program.  I have sought refuge in your body.”  My next response was to say, “What worm witness protection program?”  Claude said, “There is a whole underground mob scene of worm gangster families, who are constantly at odds with the beetle gangster families.  Both of these underground crime families are trying to seize control to the cemetery turf and I am trying to get out of that way of life, so I sought refuge in your body.”  I then felt a rustling under my skin and within a minute, a little worm poked his head out from the skin on my neck.  “Hello”, he said. “Claude is here.”  Wow, who would have thought that fish bait could have such a ‘Good Fella’ like existence in the ground upon which I walk.  Talk about a strange shock to the system. 

Thanks for reading Freakin' Dead Jed's thoughts.  A freakish zombie with brain munchin' and crunchin' as his goal, Jed is also inclined to let a victim know what's on his mind before the chompin' begins!  Please click on the link below to view my artwork and art-related merchandise.  You might even find a great gift for yourself or the scifi or zombie fan in your life.  There are items to be had for EVERY BUDGET, so invest in some great scifi or zombie cartoon art TODAY!!  Don't forget to check out Rusty McBolt, a first class galactic robot ranger and one hell of a mean futuristic crime fighter. 

Freakin' Dead Jed, Ranger Rusty McBolt and all related characters are copyright 2011 by Action Ave Art Studio, Action Ave Studio and Paul Addison.

create & buy custom products at Zazzle

It's a tough gig, but some zombie has to do it......

Chased a family today around their house and did it ever hurt my pride.   Although it would seem that they should thank me for the exercise they received by running from a zombie, I suppose that might be asking too much.  It could even be considered quality family time spent for this mother and her three kids.  I mean, it wasn’t exactly like a night playing a game of Monopoly for this family, but they got to test their escape skills against the zombie mack daddy!  I came across this mom heating up some frozen pizza for her kids in their kitchen.  Again, I should be thanked by the kids at least since I interrupted lunch time and the “craptacular” pizza was flung to the floor by their mom when I gave her the initial scare of walking into her kitchen.  After chasing the mom and the kiddies up stairs and then back down stairs and throughout the main level of the house for about 23 minutes, “Momma” exchanged her frightened state for a more cool, confident, pissed off attitude.  She kind of reminded me of Sigourney Weaver from the Alien movies!  It kind of turned me on until she grabbed a ball bat from the garage and came after me with it.  Back in the kitchen, I happened to be trapped next to the stairs going down to the basement.  “Momma Thunder”, as I will now refer to her, jumped at me and smashed me with the bat so hard I went tumbling down the stairs!  My right arm became dislocated after the impact on the hard basement floor.  SON OF A SWAMP MOTHER, talk about bad karma!!!!  I fixed my arm with a dusty old tuba and a shoe horn.  Don’t ask, it’s better to not know the details.  So with my re-established confidence, I ran back up the stairs only to have Momma Thunder slam the door right on my face knocking me back down the stairs AGAIN!!  This time my left arm was completely unattached, but it was nothing a little duct tape and bailing wire couldn’t fix.  Holy Crap, I am like a zombie MacGyver!  Realizing it was time to call it a day; I broke out a basement window and went on back to the graveyard.  You know, I am starting to see the merits of cremation.  I wouldn’t get myself into these unfortunate incidents if I was a pile of ashes.

Thanks for reading Freakin' Dead Jed's blog.  He's not such a bad zombie once you get to know him and you can get to know him much better by clicking on the link below to head on over to my Action Ave Art Studio store at zazzle. com.  You owe it to yourself as a zombie scifi fan to collect one of Freakin' Dead Jed's adventures for yourself.  My artwork and art related merchandise make great gifts for that hard to buy for zombie or scifi collector in your family or circle of friends.  We have items for every budget, so head on over and order something today!  Don't forget to check out Galaxy Ranger Rusty McBolt.  He's a robot with the circuits of a genius...... or so I am told. 

Freakin' Dead Jed, Rusty McBolt and all related characters are copyright 2011 by Action Ave Studio, Action Ave Art Studio and Paul Addison.

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Rumor going down around zombie town....

There was a rumor going around the zombie ranks today.  It consisted of the government and its goal to control each one of us zombies with an individual microchip surgically implanted right into the brain!  This scared the hell right out of me!   It’s not so much because being a zombie I have a fear of some government hired dumbass scientist screwing with my highly coveted IQ by riveting some shabby micro chip into my brain, but more so because our government can’t even control itself let alone trying to start some federal zombie slave program!  Look, we have government officials who talk out both sides of their mouth, playing spin the bottle in the world of politics.  Kissing up to the American public, telling the masses what they want to hear, when they want to hear it.  All the while, smooching up to special interest lobbyists and getting all the corrupt perks that go along with those “chapped lips”.  Just look at all the governmental screw-ups; take the Army Corp of Engineers, for instance.  These “rocket scientists” tried to convert the Missouri River into a giant enema for several Midwestern states this summer.  Yet, the government wants to control zombies…..yeah, right.  Learn to crawl, U.S. Government, before you can walk with the zombies…..

Thanks for reading Freakin' Dead Jed's thoughts in this blog.  Now drop everyting else you're concerned with right this minute!  Set that sandwich aside, let the dog out and tuck in the children because it's time to click on the link below to go to my Action Avenue Art Studio store.  Once you're there, you can be drawn into the zombie world of Freakin' Dead Jed and his attempts to fit into the land of the living.  Check out my other artwork about Rusty McBolt.  He is a futuristic robot ranger that I created because scifi artwork is really cool and fun to make.  The artwork pieces and related mechandise make great gifts for sci fi collectors or anybody who appreciates the wierd and wild.  We have artwork and items for every budget!  Come on over.....

Freakin' Dead Jed, Rusty McBolt and all related characters are copyright 2011 by Action Ave Studio, Action Avenue Art Studio and Paul Addison. 

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In the dog house again

Got caught in a rain down pour today and wow did that suck.  I literally had to run down the alley of a residential neighborhood I wasn’t very familiar with at all.  No zombie likes to run unless he or she is chasing down a human for a quick meal, but here I was running in the rain like a damned fool with no tasty humans in my immediate sight.  Saw a huge dog house in the middle of this empty backyard, so I ducked into it figuring I could hang out in there until the rain lets up.  I thought to myself that this isn’t very dignified to be jumping into a dog house, but then again I eat brains, bloody guts and other assorted organs, so how much damned dignity do I really need!  Beggars can’t be choosers.  So I was sitting there in the dog house, chewing on a bone left there by the dog who owned it.  It was a T bone and it still had some meat left on it.  At that point I was thinking that the day might not end up so bad after all when all of a sudden I heard a very loud growl.  A massive Rottweiler was standing on the back porch. (Uh, can you say YIKES?!)  The dog’s teeth looked tragically sharp and his attitude took a completely badass turn regarding a zombie taking up residence in his house, chewing on his T bone!  My foolish notion led me to think I was at the top of the food chain that day and boy was I wrong.  I bolted out of there like my head was on fire and my ass was catching!!  Must have set the zombie land speed record in getting the hell out of there…..

Go to Action Ave Art Studio store at zazzle.com to invest in excellent artwork and merchandise for yourself or as a gift for somebody else.  And as luck would have it, my studio store has items for EVERY BUDGET.   I've made it incredibly easy for you, just click on the link below to get to my store.  While you're there, you can also see and experience the scifi adventures of Ranger Rusty McBolt as he cowboys his way through the galaxy.  Thank you,  I appreciate your business.......Artist, Cartoonist & Creator Paul Addison.

Freakin' Dead Jed, Ranger Rusty McBolt and all related characters are copyright 2011 by Action Ave Art Studio, Action Ave Studio and Paul Addison.

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It doesn't pay to be a zombie pedestrian.....

This morning I was walking dead around town, hoping to score some breakfast organs from some unsuspecting humans.  I was making my way through this intersection, when all of a sudden, some nutburger city bus driver hauled ass down the street and ran right over my left foot and ripped the son of a bitch clean off!  Whoa, Nellie!!  My foot was stuck in the tire tread so I had to chase the bus six blocks on my stump before catching up to it!  Once my foot became unstuck from the tire tread, I climbed onto the bus and the driver acted totally clueless as to what he had done.  I said to him, "Hey, moron, you steam rolled over my foot and ripped it completely off my leg!"  His response to my aggravation, "Here's a quarter, call someone who cares!"  Dude has not seen a pissed off zombie.  "Listen," I fired back to the driver, "Just because you, as a city employee, barely cared enough to roll out of bed this morning after farting and hitting the snooze alarm, doesn't mean that the people of this fine city should be treated with any less respect.  By the way, we tax payers take care of your salary!"  True, I haven't paid taxes since I was human, sometime when Clinton was still president, but I was on a roll with my patriotic zombie speech.  The bus driver's reaction was to pull a stun gun from his pocket and use it on me.  I yelled to him, "You dumb ass, all that does it tickle, now I'm going to rip your face off and eat it!"  The three passengers who, up until this point, had been sitting there in stunned silence, all at once got up and opened a can of whoop ass on me.  Well, I was having a good morning until all of this.  Guess I will take my foot back home to the graveyard and rethink my strategy for lurking around the metro area.  Maybe I can get my hands on one of those great segway scooters that security guards so famously use....

Take action now and go to the zazzle.com link below and see the great artwork and merchandise at my Action Ave Art Studio store.  They make excellent gifts!  Hey look, my sickness knows no bounds so you might as well indulge me by going to Action Ave Art Studio store and seeing what you can find.  Don't forget to check out the awesome scifi adventures of robot Galactic Ranger Rusty McBolt as he fights the scumbags of the universe and keeps us safe!

Freakin' Dead Jed, Ranger Rusty McBolt and all related characters are copyright 2011 by Action Ave Art Studio, Action Ave Studio and Paul Addison.


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Can a zombie carry a tune?

A couple of the other zombies approached me about starting an undead pop singing group.  You know, something to compete on that show, "Graveyard's Got Talent".  I can sing a little and Boner can grunt and groan, oddly enough in tune, but Slickman’s vocal cords are barely working.  He can whisper and that is about it.  Slickman has been a zombie a lot longer than me and Boner.  In fact, it was 50 years ago last Tuesday that Slickman was camping in Yellowstone National Park when he bought the farm.  One morning, after a particularly hard night of getting hammered with a few summer cocktails, Slickman blindly stumbled onto a geyser and took the ride of his life as Old Faithful erupted.  Slickman told me that kissing his ass goodbye as he flew through the air was the only thing he could think of to do, but then again that situation gave him very few options.  All I can say, what an asshat!  Anyway, in getting back to the that ill conceived plan in starting a pop singing group for the talent show, it's a safe bet that's probably not going to happen.  Kind of hard to make ice cream out of crap.  Maybe we could launch Slickman from a cannon for the show's audition and bring back sweet memories of his idiotic demise?  It's a thought........




Visit the Action Ave Studio (or Action Ave Art Studio) at Zazzle.com.  Please click on the rotating panel below to get linked to Zazzle store for my studio for cool artwork and merchandise.  Aren't zombies awesome?!  Of course they are and so are robots.  Ranger Rusty McBolt (who is a robot) shows his intergalactic charm in kicking some outlaw alien ass! His adventures can also be found at the Zazzle store for Action Ave Studio (type into zazzle search box: actionave OR actionaveartstudio).



Freakin’ Dead Jed, Ranger Rusty McBolt and all related characters are copyright 2011 by Action Ave Studio, Action Ave Art Studio and Paul Addison.


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A moment in the undead life of zombie Freakin' Dead Jed.....

Walked through the graveyard. Man, what is it with all this creepy, damn fog?! Thick nasty crap...... SMACK....Oh man.... Just walked into a tree.... again. Every time the fog rolls in, the same thing happens: I get out of the grave, hungry for a snack so I attempt to make my way to town for a little brain pie. But nooooooo, I end up walking into one of the hundreds of trees within this graveyard, because I can't see through this thick fog soup. Last time I walked into a tree, my impact was so hard that I fell ass backwards into an open, freshly dug grave. Guess I need to start coating myself in bubble wrap to lessen the impact of the many obstacles in this place. What a fresh inventive idea: a zombie protective bubble wrap suit to protect your undead loved one! May just be worth millions if I can get a patent. Who am I kidding? I am a zombie and I didn't hurt anything but my pride when I smacked into that tree. Being undead does have it's perks.......






Please visit zazzle.com/actionave. Go to zazzle.com then simply type in actionave into the search browser to bring up some really cool stuff. You can also see a preview in the zazzle panel below. There you will find some art works and art related products from artist, illustrator and cartoonist, Paul Addison. The name of his studio is Action Avenue Studio and in that studio, Addison works very hard to create the ongoing adventures of zombie Freakin' Dead Jed.

Also you’ll find the continuous scifi adventures of galactic robot ranger, Rusty McBolt.  His mission is to clean up outer space one outlaw alien scumbag at a time!

Freakin' Dead Jed and Ranger Rusty McBolt are copyright 2011 by Action Avenue Studio, Action Avenue Art Studio and Paul Addison.


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In the beginning.....

Clawed my way through the grave today.  Wow, a lot of dirt under my finger nails.  Damn it!  I just got a manicure before I died, now I have these giant dirt clods under the nails.  How flippin' nasty!  I will have to take care of this before I hit the brain buffet with the other zombies......

Go to Action Avenue Art Studio to see continuous gritty and exciting adventures of Freakin' Dead Jed (and the sci fi explorations of Galaxy Ranger Rusty McBolt).  Go to zazzle.com and type in "actionave" into the search box to bring up the entire store.  Thanks.

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